Guardian Roommates
by Sestren NK
Summary: After being retired and banned from Neo Arcadia, Harpuia, Fefnir, and Leviathan have to find a place to live and adapt without trying to kill each other or be killed in the process. MMZ. Ch 13! Leviathan orders a sword in the mail. Hell ensues.
1. Moving In

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 1: Moving In**

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_Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters. Everyone here belongs to Capcom. I figured there weren't enough MMZ stories, especially humorous ones about the guardians._

_What can I say? I'm still a newbie here, meaning I didn't know the whole deal behind the "script format and get deleted" thing. Well, thanks for the heads-up, everyone! Hopefully this way this can stay up for people to read in the months to come. _

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It's been a month since Copy X MK II was destroyed by Zero. Before then, X had retired the guardians due to Harpuia's constant questioning of his master's decision to team up with Dr. Weil, the one responsible for the near-annihilation of the entire human and reploid race. After Zero ended the battle with Omega, the guardians have been looking for something new. Namely, a place to live.

Our little tale begins in the projects, a small apartment on the third floor. It's a typical apartment, as you enter you're introduced to the living room. Across from it is the kitchen, and inbetween is a hallway that leads to three rooms and a bathroom. _(Do reploids even use bathrooms?)_ The place is empty, the door violently shaking, since it appears that no one can get inside.

Outside, Leviathan leaned on her scythe, angry as ever. "HOW can you possibly lose the keys?"

Fefnir kept struggling with the lock. "I don't know! Shut up!"

If there was one thing to do to piss off Leviathan, it was telling her to shut up. "You want me to throw you off this balcony again?"

Fefnir sighed and apologized. "Okay, I'll behave... But none of these keys will fit!"

It's been like this for the last half hour. After being denied an apartment throughout Neo Arcadia, due to each of the guardians' violent activities, they finally got an apartment in the suburbs of the city. The problem was, Fefnir couldn't get the door open.

Suddenly, he remembered something. "Oh! Wait a second! Now I remember! I told myself that becuase this is the house key, I'd hide it in a special place!" He put his hand down his pants, or whatever you wish to call them.

Leviathan's face turned blue. "Tell me that you're not..."

Before she could finish, Fefnir found what he was looking for. "Here it is!"

Leviathan couldn't believe it. "YOU HID THE KEY IN YOUR UNDERWEAR?"

Fefnir didn't care how disgusted Leviathan was. He just had a smug and confident look on his face. "Not just any underwear, my _lucky_ underwear!"

In less than half a second, Leviathan grabbed her scythe, grabbed Fefnir from the neck with it and tossed him off the balcony, grabbing the key. "Men..." She already forgot exactly what she was holding. "EW!" She quickly opened the door, hoping to rid her hands of whatever virus might have been running through the key. She wasn't exactly pleased to see their new home.

"So this is our new home? sigh! Well, I suppose it's time to call Harpuia."

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An hour later, the kitchen was almost done, the couch and TV were set up, but they were far from done. Leviathan appeared exhausted while Fefnir was watching TV and listening to it on headphones.

"Hey, Fef, I'm going to take a nap."

He wasn't even paying attention. "Mmmkay."

Leviathan's sarcasm wasn't hard to miss. "By the way, thanks for helping out with the kitchen..."

"Mmmkay," was still Fefnir's response.

Leviathan actually did everything while Fefnir was trying to hit on some college reploids outside. Unfortunately for him, he scared most of them away trying to show off his guns, pointing them at the girls from time to time. It had only been ten minutes until there was a loud knocking at the door. Fefnir couldn't hear it, and Leviathan was angry as it was. Five more minutes, still knocking, and no one opening the door.

Fefnir noticed something inside him starting to violently vibrate. "Damn it! Can't I watch TV without being interrupted! Fine..." He opened up his arm and grabbed his cell phone. "This better be good, because I was in the middle of a music video and I never heard the song before!"

"Come get the door." was the caller's response.

"Why?" Fefnir was never exactly a patient reploid.

"If you don't want me to shove one foot in your ass and the other foot in your mouth."

"What? Who do you think you are!" Threaten Fefnir and someone will pay.

"Come to the door and find out." Whoever it was wasn't afraid of Fefnir.

Fefnir finally approached the door, but something crossed his mind prior to opening it. "Wait a minute, I know who this is! Hi Grandma! Is that you? You sound different."

In a heartbeat, the door came crashing down on Fefnir. He immediately tried to get up, but the foot of a fellow reploid, who was holding several boxes in his hands, was pressing the door against him as hard as he could.

"How many times have I told you that I'M A MALE?" It was the green sky lord, Sage Harpuia, who had been mistaken for a girl ever since Zero's resurrection.

Fefnir could barely breathe. "Eh... sorry..."

Leviathan came out of her room, abruptly awakened by Harpuia's entrance. "You're late."

"Blame dumbass down here." Harpuia tilted his head to see the red guardian under the door.

Leviathan noticed Fefnir was being crushed by the door and Harpuia, and decided to get a closer look. "You know, if you decide to live down there, I could get used to this place."

Fefnir was still struggling to breathe. "Oh, be quiet..."

Harpuia walked up to Lev and gave her a box, which sent her crashing to the floor. "We don't have time for this. Let's get this over with."

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That night, all three were trying to make themselves at home. Leviathan was trying to knit in her rocking chair, Fefnir laid down on the couch channel surfing, and Harpuia was trying to get comfortable in his new bean bag. Leviathan broke the silence between all of them. "It's only been five hours and I'm bored."

Fefnir sympathized. "And there's nothing on."

Harpuia didn't care. "So what are you going to do about it?"

Leviathan and Fefnir decided to give it some thought, while Harpuia continued trying to adjust to his beanbag. Ever since Phantom was defeated by Zero, Harpuia had to constantly put up with Leviathan's whining and Fefnir's complaining and attitude problems.

Leviathan came up with an idea. "Go watch a movie!"

Fefnir countered. "Blow up a car!"

"No, uh, go to a party!" cried Leviathan.

"No, light a fire and add some gasoline!"

"No, go find Zero!"

"No, let's find their resistance base _and_ annihilate them!" was more of Fefnir's idea.

"No, go to their resistance base, wipe them out, and make Zero my _slave_! Muahahahahahahah!" Lightning struck as Leviathan laughed.

Both males stared silently at the female reploid with scared and annoyed looks, with a disturbing thought of a leather-clad Leviathan holding a whip and one foot on top of Zero.

Leviathan didn't shy away from what came out of her mouth. "Oh, come on. I'm sure you boys have had _your_ fantasies."

Harpuia was already getting annoyed with his siblings. "Enough. If you guys want to do something, that's fine with me, but you'd better make up your mind. And no Zero."

Leviathan and Fefnir went into chibi mode. "Awww! Why not?"

Harpuia looked out the window. "It's Thursday night. Whatever Ciel has cooked for the resistance, it would be much worse than anything we can do to him."

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An image pops into all their heads. A long time ago, when they were digging around of Phantom's room after he had been defeated, they found a new weapon that wasn't completed, a fake reploid designed to look like a resistance member. They decided to complete it in honor of their friend and put it to the test. There was only one problem, it was remote controlled and none of them could come to an agreement on who operated it.

A security guard, named Angel, was watching the area near the factory, annoyed at the new guy's attitude. "Will you stop dancing? What will Neo Arcadia think?"

The drone kept silent.

Angel continued. "Look, newbie, I can understand you being paranoid about Neo Arcadia, but c'mon, it's time to eat! I'll show you the way."

In a heartbeat, all three guardians stopped arguing as they made the drone follow the girl.

In a huge empty room, Ciel greeted the soldiers of the resistance. "Dinner!"

They quickly cheered.

"And it's Thursday, meaning that I cooked it!"

The response quickly went from a yay, to a nay.

It wasn't obvious to Ciel. "Don't be shy! You guys need a healthy meal for fighting an evil dictator! Who wants to eat first?"

All of the resistance members step back, except for the drone. Aware of their situation, it backs up, but it's too late. Ciel takes the opportunity to force feed what everyone believes to be a normal soldier.

"Nuh uh uh! Open wide!"

Ciel is about to shove the spoon in the drone's mouth when all of a sudden the transmission goes dead. At the same time, Harpuia, Fefnir, and Leviathan respond. "Crap!"

In the resistance base, a headless body falls to the floor and the room empties in a split second. Ciel looks confused, as Cerveau looks disappointed like a failed teacher. "I don't think a healthy meal is supposed to make their head explode."

Ciel sweatdropped. "Sorry! Who was that one again?"

Cerveau observed the dead drone. "It looked like, oh what's her name... Elpis... Elpizo?"

"That's his name! Oh, crap."

"Did someone call?" The real Elpizo came late to dinner, fortunate for him.

"Clean this up!" Not even bothering to look at the resemblance, Ciel was telling the janitor how to do his job.

"Yes, ma'am!" Elpizo tosses his lookalike in the trash can.

Ciel wanted to pat the kid on the head, except he wasn't exactly a kid. "Good boy. Keep that behavior up and you might be commander some day!"

Elpizo's eyes lit. "Yes, ma'am!"

"Now make us a real meal, son." Cerveau said not caring whether Ciel was in the same room or not.

Elpizo put on his apron. "Speghetti with meatballs and five pepporoni pizzas coming up!"

Cerveau wiped a tear from his eyes. "I love that damn kid."

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Zero on the other hand was enjoying himself in the desert. "I love me some smores!"

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Just the thought of Ciel's food made Fefnir feel uncomfortable. "Ieeee, you're right."

Leviathan got all worried. "Oh, my poor Zero-chan!"

An image pops up in Lev's head; Ciel force feeds Zero her food, blowing his head up, but she can't help but chuckle at the thought of switching places with Ciel. Maybe bad cooking could defeat Zero? Harpuia raises an eyebrow at Leviathan.

Leviathan cleared her throat. "Right. Sorry."

Harpuia sighed impatiently. "So, decide."

Leviathan turns toward Fefnir. "Rock-Paper-Scissors?"

Fefnir accepted. "Rock-Paper-Scissors."

Harpuia didn't bother to watch Fef and Lev's little duel over the kitchen table. He wasn't surprised when the words came out of Leviathan's mouth. "Uh, Fefnir? The middle finger isn't part of Rock-Paper-Scissors." That instant, Lev smashes Fefnir's finger with her 'rock' fist, with a huge smile on her face as he yells running across the room, holding his finger. "Rock beats finger, I win!"

Fefnir tried not to cry but chose to whine instead. "I should've asked for an arm wrestle!" But his eyes tear up as he looks at his finger. "Don't worry, Johnny. You will be avenged!"

Harpuia didn't think he heard what he just heard. "What was that?"

Fefnir didn't realize he said that out loud. "Nothing!"

Leviathan was still jumping and clapping her hands in joy. "Okay, okay, okay. Hmm... tonight... We'll go to a nightclub! One opened earlier this week on the north side of the city!"

Harpuia was reading the paper already. "That's at least an hour away. How are we going to get there?"

Leviathan and Fefnir both stared at Harpuia, Lev with puppy dog eyes. Harpuia sometimes wished he was an only child. "Oh, for the love of..."

* * *

The wind blows against all three as the moon shines on Leviathan and Fefnir. Harpuia, not visible at this point, wasn't afraid to show his grief. "Honestly, the both of you need to get a car or something!"

Fefnir shrugged. "I can't help it if my max speed is 10 MPH."

Leviathan gave both a smartass look. "And that a certain resistance reploid destroyed your brakes and steering. And stop whining, _Harpie_."

"Harpie?" Fefnir didn't laugh to everyone's surprise.

"**Harpie**?" Harpuia didn't want to spend another minute of the future with these two.

Leviathan changed her voice to sound twenty years younger. "You want me to call you '_my pwetty widdle airpwane_?'"

Harpuia grumbled. "Harpie it is."

Harpie was in his powered jet form, with Leviathan and Fefnir sitting on each of his wings. He wasn't particularly fond of giving the two a free lift, especially like this.

Fefnir bobbed his head in all directions. "I don't recognize this route."

Leviathan only rolled her eyes. "Of course you don't, silly. We never had to travel from anywhere except, oh, let's see, the Neo Arcadia Capital _where we once lived_?"

Fefnir had already forgotten. "Yeah, thanks a lot, Harpuia." Leviathan stuck her tongue out at their ride.

Harpuia had heard it a hundred times already. "You want me to go up there so you can say that to my face?"

Leviathan wasn't intimidated. "Um, Harpie, you can't when you're an _airpwane_."

Harpuia forgot. "Oh, right... **Hey**!"

Suddenly the wind had picked up, taking Fefnir by surprise. "Hey, uh, Leviathan? You said we never traveled this route, before, right?"

"Yeah... uh oh."

Harpuia didn't like the sound of those words at all. "'Uh oh' what?"

Something was approaching them from ahead.

"A fleet?"

"No, it's..."

Harpuia's eyes glowed as he came to a realization. "Pigeons! Hang on!"

It was already too late. Harpuia had little choice but to fly through the flock of pigeons at full speed. The only thing he was concerned about was a bird flying into his mouth, which seemed to happen every time he turned into a jet and flew across Neo Arcadia. In about a minute, it was all over.

Harpuia seemed to be impressed. "Wow, not a single pigeon in my mouth!"

Leviathan looked back at all the falling birds behind her. "So, you're the reason pigeons are an endangered species."

Harpuia actually smiled for once, but where his head was, the other two couldn't see it. "Guilty as charged."

Leviathan returned to her previous position, but her hand slipped in something wet. "EW! Harpuia! One of those pigeons crapped on you! And it's on my hand!"

She was quick to rub it all off on Fefnir, who pulled out his guns, starting a fight. Harpuia's eyes turned red as he quickly turned around, returning to his default form, taking out his blades and yelling at the pigeons, most of which turned into jet kill. "NO ONE disgraces a former guardian of Master X! You will pay! You will _all_ pay! Muahahah..." He turned to his sides, expecting his comrades to be right next to him. "Uh, guys?"

He looked down, only to find Fefnir and Leviathan's tiny bodies falling down into the city.

Fefnir yelled as hard as he could. "Harpuia, if I survive, so X help me, I am going to kick your ass!"

Leviathan had her fists in the air and her knees together. "You dumbass! We can't _fly_, remember?"

Harpuia shut his eyes as two small blasts of smoke came from the city below. He sheepishly grinned. "Oops.."

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_What will happen next? Will Leviathan and Fefnir survive? Will Harpuia get the crap off his wing? Will they ever make it to the nightclub? Find out next chapter!_


	2. Settling In

_First fanfic and I get three good reviews. Works for me! You want more? You got it. Again, all the characters are Capcom's._

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**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 2: Settling in.**

_We ended our previous chapter as Harpuia had so sacrifice his dignity and give Leviathan and Fefnir a ride to a nightclub that recently opened, but accidentally dropped them after a pigeon encounter. So we take off where we left off._

Harpuia kind of enjoyed his little mistake and chuckled a bit. He thought to himself: _'That was almost as satisfying as fighting Ze-'_

Before he could finish his thought, an ice dragon came from under him, grabbed him by the neck, and sent him crashing down on the city. Within ten seconds he was reunited with his fellow former guardians, all in a dumpster.

Harpuia wasn't exactly satisfied with his body being covered in trash. "Ick."

Leviathan on the other hand had other thoughts in mind. "Ick? **Ick**? All you have to say is '_ick_'? It's going to take at least a week to wash this smell out! And my hair's a mess!"

That didn't change Harpuia's mood. "Your head's made of metal."

Leviathan snapped back. "THAT'S NOT THE POINT! And what if...?"

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Another journey into Leviathan's thoughts, into another possible battle with Zero. Again they are underwater, Zero had already equipped the flame chip, but Leviathan was wearing a jacket. "_This time, I WILL defeat you, Zero!" _was said by both.

"Uh... How did you know I was going to say that?" A dumbfounded Leviathan asked.

Zero leaned on his sword. "You always say that. Um, why are you wearing a jacket and a hood? Aren't you hot in there? And by the way, we're underwater."

Leviathan didn't want to give Zero an answer. "Don't play mind games with me, Zero!"

"I'm not. Hey, uh, you wanna go out for a movie?"

Leviathan snapped before she thought about it. "No! I... What? Zero-chan asked me on a date? Oh, how sweet! Zero's going to take me to a movie! Zero's going to take me to a movie! Woohoo!"

Zero's eyes widened. "Ah-HAH, I knew it! You really _did_ have a crush on me! Oh, wait till I tell Ciel! Operator, take me back, we're done!"

Leviathan's face dropped. "NO!"

She charged at Zero, but she was too late. She took off her jacket and started crying, until her scythe picked up a transmission. Lucky for her, she's used to having a cell phone that was twice as big as her.

Zero was waving on the other side. "So it's a date? Hee hee..."

Ciel could be heard in the background. "Oh, Zero, we gotta rent you a tux!"

Zero freaked out. "NO! And um, nice hair, Levvie." He waved with a sinister smile as he hung up. Leviathan got on her knees, "GAAAHHH!"

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Leviathan twiddled her fingers together. "No one must ever know..."

Harpuia didn't need to be a mind reader to understand his little sister's thoughts. "You really, really have some issues." He looked to his side. "Um, Fefnir, what are you doing?"

Fefnir was holding something in his hands. "Doggie! _Oh, do you wive here? Do you wanna come home with Fefnir? Oh wes you do!"_

Harpuia blankly stares at Fefnir cuddling with a puppy, while Leviathan still appears lost in her thoughts.

Harpuia rolled his eyes. "I'm surrounded by morons."

Leviathan finally snaps out of it and finds something she becomes familiar with, something with the words: "_Bow down to the Cook_" and a drawing of Zero's face with X's in his eyes. "Um, Harpuia, isn't this my apron? I thought you said it got destroyed when Fefnir blew up the lab when he tried to add a three foot battery to each of his guns, but here it is!"

Harpuia was ready to run. "Gotta go!"

Leviathan's eyes turned red. "Why... you...!" She grabbed Fefnir and started to chase Harpuia, who stopped at the end of the alley. The three crashed into each other.

Fefnir got up, holding the side of his head. "I was having a moment! What's the big deal?"

Harpuia hadn't moved. "We're here."

Their destination was across the street. The nightclub was called, "_The Tower_," and had flashing lights all over, loud bass noise, and a lot of people talking outside.

Harpuia just wanted the night to end. "Well, why don't we go-"

Before he could finish his sentence, Leviathan grabbed him by the neck. "I'M. A. MESS."

Fefnir's attention was elsewhere. "So let a car drive past you and let the water clean you up."

Before long Fefnir found himself back in the dumpster thanks to a roundhouse kick by Leviathan. "Doggie! Did you miss me?"

Harpuia put his hand on his head in grief, then turned to Lev. "You know, you could find a pool, make a few ice dragons, let Fefnir melt them and give yourself a hot bath to clean up."

Leviathan raised an eyebrow. "And where would we find a pool at this place and time?"

Harpuia pointed to the 'Summer Fun' store next to them. Strangely, they were still open and had plastic kiddie swimming pools at discount price.

Leviathan didn't like to be treated like a little girl. "You expect me to wash up in a kiddie pool?"

Harpuia didn't care. "It's this or we're going in the club."

Harpuia's Guardian discount card didn't work, so he robbed the store using a handy paper bag Leviathan found and gave him. He did have a bit of a hard time since Leviathan didn't bother to put holes for eyes; all she did was draw two little eyes and a smiley face on it. The clerk didn't even want to know, so he gave the pool to Harp the second he saw him. He was more concerned about the blind reploid crashing into everything the store had to offer.

Harpuia took the bag off his head while he took a plastic container off his foot. "I feel like such a tool."

Leviathan snagged the pool in a flash. "Gimme! This had better work, and NO PEEKING!"

Fefnir came up behind them. "Why, are you wearing your _Devil May Cry_ black underwear again?"

Leviathan's attitude turned casual. "No, actually I'm wearing my _Street Fig_... HEY!"

Fefnir was already on the run when Lev got that one.

* * *

The three finally entered the place squeaky clean.

Leviathan was pleased with what she saw. Crazy seizure-inducing music videos on the monitors, a huge dance floor, loud techno with a mix of metal and orchestra, and a huge spotlight in the middle she knew she had to get into. Fefnir saw a lot of girls. That's all he needed. Unfortunately for Harpuia, a lot of guys were eyeing him.

A green ura formed around Harpuia. "Have I told you guys lately that I hate you? Guys?"

They were already gone. Harpuia decided to go get himself a dry martini. "Bottom's up..."

Leviathan forced herself into the center of the dance floor, although a lot of couples tried to get in, getting her jealous at the first sight. She thought to herself, "Zero, why the hell couldn't you be here?"

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At the resistance base, Zero was watching the action through several security camera monitors, sitting on a couch and stuffing his face with nachos with a fellow member of the resistance.

Zero's face was half full. "Belieeeve me, I can't dance."

Cerveau looked shocked. "You can't? But you're the legendary reploid!"

"...who can't dance. One time there was this dance at Maverick Hunter HQ, and this girl called Iris asked me to dance. After our first dance, she accused me of going Maverick on her. Luckily X convinced her brother that wasn't the case and he didn't try to kill me."

Cerveau looked surprised. "That's harsh. More cheese?"

Zero didn't turn down the offer. "_Of _course. Hey, check out this one. I didn't think Harpuia was sensitive about his manliness."

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Harpuia was sitting alone at a table with a few dozen empty glasses. "This sucks. _-BELCH-"_

A reploid was coming by. "Hey, what's a pretty reploid like you sitting here all alone?"

Harpuia's eyes turned dark. "Are you a guy?"

The guy nodded. A loud **_THWACK_** could be heard across the club, and he was thrown into what appeared to be a collection of knocked out guys.

Fefnir came by, trying not to step on the bodies on the floor. "I can see we're having fun."

Harpuia took a huge drink. "Speak for yourself. -_BELCH-"_

Fefnir sat down. "I hate women. Want to know why?"

"No."

"Well, this one girl gave me some flirty look, and I asked her if she wanted to make out. She was all like, 'sure!' and I said, 'really?' and then guess what she said? 'No." And then she laughed and walked off. Then there was another girl who said that 'This guy is kinda hot' and I winked at her, and guess what? She shoved me out of the way to talk to some dorky and skinny reploid guy. And... who are you?"

Another reploid was next to Fefnir. "Hey dude, you mind if I take your date for a dance?"

"Harp, it's for you."

_**THWACK**_

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All three were leaving the club.

Leviathan had a smile on her face. "Well, that was fun, wasn't it?"

Her brothers turned to her and spoke at the same time. "No."

Leviathan's mood turned hopeless. "You guys never smile, do you?"

Fefnir lit up in his thoughts. "When I'm surrounded by fires and the thought of destroying Zero!"

Harpuia spoke under his breath, "If I were an only child then I'd be happy."

"What?"

Harpuia made something up in less than a second. "Don't know, don't care. So how are we going to get home?" Fefnir and Leviathan gave him the same look as before. Harpuia wasn't surprised. "You guys owe me for this."

* * *

The three had been in the air for forty minutes at most, Harpuia again being in powered jet form, with the other two sitting on his wings.

Fefnir noticed that Leviathan had looked different. "You look happy."

Leviathan had been daydreaming. "What?"

Fefnir gave her a curious gaze. "Your eyes are glowing."

Leviathan looked embarrased. "What are you talking about?"

Fefnir turned away. "No, seriously, your eyes are glowing bright blue. It's blinding the hell out of me."

Leviathan's headlights on her eyes were on. "Oh, sorry. -_click-_ I was just wondering what it would be like to have, you know, a boyfriend."

Harpuia came out of nowhere. "He'd better pay rent!"

Leviathan put her hand on her head for a second. "No, you jerk. I mean, well..."

Leviathan was picturing herself in a glowing prom dress, slow dancing with a particular blonde-haired reploid. Of course, this reploid had huge metal balls chained to his legs. This must have been at least the 50th time she thought of this, so her comrades knew her little desires with a red reploid named Zero.

Fefnir leaned backward. "Knowing your fantasies, I'd be afraid, too."

Leviathan's face turned red. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing!"

Harpuia's voice suddenly became more serious than before. "The time has come..."

Fefnir and Leviathan didn't understand what was going on until they looked ahead.

"Is that what I think it is?"

"Uh, Pigeons?"

"VENGEANCE SHALL BE MINE!"

Harpuia accelerated at full speed, knocking his two comrades off once again, yelling at the ride who sped off. "Dammit! Not again!"

* * *

_Harpuia hates his comrades and just about everyone he knows, and is constantly mistaken for a girl. Leviathan has an obvious and obsessive crush on Zero, and will stop at nothing to make him her slave, and wears underwear from other Capcom games. Fefnir has problems with girls, loves puppies, hides his keys in his special underwear, and is dumb as hell. Zero likes nachos and can't dance even if his life depended on it, and has converted to seven different religions in hope that Ciel will actually leave him alone. What happens when Halloween comes by? Why does Ciel need roommates all of a sudden? Will Zero go on a date with Leviathan? Will Harpuia get his vengeance? Will Fefnir get a job at therestaurant down the street? Will Harpuia say yes to Wiel's proposal?_

Harpuia: **I'M A MALE!**

Wiel: You gotta admit, you look good in that wedding dress.

Harpuia: Care to be the grand buffet?

_Right. Sorry. Tune in for Chapter 3, coming, um, soon._


	3. Go with the Flow

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 3: Go with the Flow**

_I suppose I'll take the time to explain some things. About Harpuia, well, there's still some people who think he's a girl, so I decided to humor everyone with that, as well as some other strange accusations in the MMZ world, another which you'll see in this chapter. I'm glad you guys enjoy this stuff. If I continue to get ideas, I'll keep writing. Maybe ten chapters max. Thanks all! As always, everyone here belongs to Capcom, except for the Star Wars reference.  
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The guardian's apartment was dark and empty, with Harpuia snoring loudly in his sleep. Fefnir opened the door with Leviathan quietly, knowing there would be hell to pay if they woke him up. They creep closer to him to take a look at his face, his mouth and eyes twitching every three seconds.

Fefnir was curious. "I wonder what he's dreaming about."

Leviathan observed Harp's facial movements. "It looks like he's having that nightmare again."

"The one he never talks about?"

"You got it."

* * *

Leviathan nailed it. Harpuia had been having the same nightmare ever since they all fought Zero for the first time. It was the same place as Harpuia and Zero's first fight. Harpuia had been defeated, and was breathing heavily. "I must admit, I underestimated you." 

Zero was a bit exhausted, but not hurt too badly. "For a chick, you've got style."

Harpuia's eyes widened. "_'For a chick?'_ Are you mocking me?"

Zero scratched his head. "No, I mean, I've fought a few girls, don't know how I remember, but you're a girl, right?"

Harpuia gave Zero the most sinister stare anyone could give another, and with that Zero came to a realization. "Oh _hell_."

Harpuia was slowly getting up. "Well, for your information _Mr.-I-Don't-Know-If-My-Hair's-A-Cape_, I'm a guy. Leviathan is the only female of all the guardians. Why on earth do you think I'm a female?"

Zero had an embarrassed smile on his face. "Ever heard your battle cries? They aren't exactly, well, deep."

Harpuia rose his head. "They sound fine. _Hih, hih, Huh!_ Oh dammit, I do sound like a girl! You may have won this round, but we will meet again and I will destroy you! Farewell!" And with that, he teleported away.

Zero grabbed the end of his hair. "_'Mr.-I-Don't-Know-If-My-Hair's-A-Cape,_' huh? It's freaking hair. Oh well."

Ciel's voice came through. "You thought Harpuia was a girl? I never thought of it that way. Oh, your cape's dirty! I'll prepare the washer."

Zero's eyebrows just lowered. "It's freaking hair."

* * *

Fefnir looked surprised. "Did he just say all of that out loud?" 

It all made sense to Leviathan, now. "So that's how this whole thing started. I can't believe people think he sounds like a female. Even if he was, I'm still the cute one!"

Harpuia had actually spoken the entire dialogue out loud in his sleep. Fefnir and Leviathan never realized why Harpuia had problems with guys and was haunted by it. Fefnir just assumed it was some kind of reverse effect since he has problems with girls. It would only make sense, to him at least.

Fefnir's temptations were running wild. "You think we should wake him?"

"No, I wanna hear more."

Harpuia barely made any sense through his drool. "_...I can't believe it... A woman? ... Never... Leviathan is the only female of the guardians... Do you see me bring home seven different guys at once..."_

Leviathan's face turned blue. "Wake him!"

Fefnir had a huge smile on his face. "No way, I'm listening to this."

Leviathan whacked both Harpuia and Fefnir with her scythe in complete embarrassment.

Harpuia woke up slowly, unaware that he was whacked by Lev's scythe. "Was I having that nightmare again?"

Leviathan looked all nervous. "I don't know, tell me what it's about and I'll tell you."

Harpuia shook his head. "No way. I guess it was."

Fefnir was cracking up. "Seven different guys?"

Harpuia sweatdropped. "Oh hell, Don't tell me... I didn't..."

Leviathan just had an annoyed look on her face. "Um, Fefnir, FYI, I was once a GENERAL. Meaning I have troops to command? _Hello?"_

Fefnir crossed his arms and smiled. "Sure..."

Leviathan was just frustrated out of her mind. "You know what? Just... argh!"

She stormed off into her room. Fefnir couldn't hold from laughing any more. Harpuia just shook his head and went back to sleep.

* * *

Ciel walked into the room where Cerveau and Zero were sitting, both asleep on the couch. She looked at the monitors. 

"Since when did we install cameras at various apartment complexes? Is that... Fefnir? Leviathan? Harpuia? They're living in an apartment as roommates? That's so cute! Wait, cute? No, that's not the word. But living together alone away from everyone? Hmm, that gives me an idea..."

* * *

_**Next Morning**_

Leviathan walked to the kitchen to make herself breakfast. It was early, but she couldn't sleep well. She had spent the night in her room writing down her ultimate plot against Zero. She was hoping her comrades/brothers/roommates wouldn't wake up, since she had moisturizer all over her face. The last time she wore moisturizer and the others found out, Fefnir took a picture and uploaded it on the internet, showing the still shot on various monitors throughout Neo Arcadia. She swore she would get revenge.

"Lost in your thoughts again? Talk about obsession."

Before she knew it, Harpuia and Fefnir were wide awake and making themselves breakfast, too. They didn't seem to care about her moisturizer-filled face, seeing as they had no camera, no computer to upload things, and weren't in the capital to show everybody. She already forgot about why she was scared to be near them in that position.

She gasped. "It's **Friday**! I can plot against Zero again!"

Harpuia quickly responded. "No you can't. Received this transmission earlier." He took out a cell phone with a video feed through. '_Help me, Obi-wan Kenobi, you're my only hop-' _Harpuia gave it a good whack. "Wrong one. Here we go."

Zero's face showed on the hologram. "_You gotta help me. Someone! Ciel wants to move into an apartment with me all alone! Make the pain stop!"_

Ciel could be heard in the background. "_Zero, are you done using the bathroom yet? I need to do my hair!"_

Zero's eyes got all puppylike. "_Please...!"_

A loud scream is heard as the hologram disappears. They all sat there for a few seconds, when Leviathan realized. "That's perfect!" In an instant she ran off into the bathroom. The sound of a hair dryer goes off.

Harpuia shook his head and drank his coffee. "Her hair is made of metal."

Fefnir spoke with cereal in his mouth. "Correction, _our _hair is made of metal. See, females are different. They actually have hair, but it's not real hair hair, but something to look and act similar to human hair. Now male hair, that's metal."

Harpuia raised an eyebrow. "Fefnir, we don't have hair. These helmets are built in."

Fefnir looked at the ceiling. "Actually, I'm bald and you have a mo-hawk."

"Like I said, _we don't have hair_!"

* * *

Resistance Base. Zero is hiding under a bed in one of the soldier's rooms. 

Ciel could faintly be heard outside. "_Zero! Where are you at? I can't pay rent alone! Who is going to help me pack and unpack? Zero!"_

Suddenly, the Operator's voice was heard on the intercom. "_Zero, please report to the mission room. You have mail!"_

Zero's sweat quickly disappeared. "Saved!"

It takes Zero ten minutes to reach the mission room, trying to avoid Ciel at all costs using stealth. Hanging from the ceiling, using a box, the ventilation system, dressing up as Bigfoot, and taking off his helmet. No one recognized him without his helmet, to his surprise.

Ciel approached the unfamiliar. "Hi! Have you seen Zero?"

The blonde-haired reploid wore a smirk on his face. "I think he was hiding in the energy room."

Ciel jumped. "He's going in there to flirt with that Angel girl! That Zero! Hmph!"

Whistling with delight, Zero put his helmet back on as he entered the mission room. "So, what's up? Omega returns? Dr. Weil's new plot consists of resurrecting Dr. Wily?" He paused for a brief second. "Ciel set me up?"

"No, sir. You have received a message. Play it."

On the monitor appears a girl with really stylish blue hair, a light blue dress, sparkling jewelry, and high heels. "Hi, Zero, it's me. Listen, I know we had a rough start, but since Dr. Weil came in, we never did get to settle that Power Invention that Ciel invented."

Ciel overheard from outside. "_Did someone call?"_

Zero muffled his voice. "_Negative, ma'am!"_

The girl on the monitor continued to speak. "So let's talk about it, shall we? Just meet me near the place where we fought the second time in thirteen minutes. You know you want to come. See you there! And don't disappoint me!"

"Transmission End."

Zero thought to himself. "Three minutes left..." It had taken him ten to reach the mission room. There was dead silence in the room for a minute. "Um, who the hell was that?"

"You did not recognize her, sir? That was Leviathan."

Zero was surprised. "Leviathan? Holy shit, what did she do to herself?"

"Sir, it appears she removed her armor and replaced it with a dress, curled her hair, added jewelry to her appearance and wore high heel shoes, sir."

Zero only meant to ask that question in rhetoric. "... I can see that, thank you."

Ciel thought she heard Zero. "Zero? Is that you in there?"

Zero's face turned urgent. "Take me there, now!"

_Ready to transfer to the proper coordinates._

Zero got impatient. "Just get **_on _**with it! I have a minute to go!"

A minute later...

_Transfer!_

Ciel finally walked in as Zero disappeared. "Zero? Zero! Operator, have you seen Zero?"

"He was in here a second ago."

"Rats! Zero!" Ciel leaves, not knowing Zero teleported on another mission.

* * *

Zero appears at his destination, and it looks nothing like it did before. Instead of a dark aquarium filling with water, there are fancy decorations all around, like a really expensive restaurant, but still extremely dark. The only thing visible is a spotlight, shining upon a table, two chairs, one taken, and a candle in between. Zero sees Leviathan waving at him with glee, with her huge blue shiny eyes sparkling and her smile as big as ever. 

The only thing he can do in response is look down and shake his head. "I should've known this was a trap."

The girl on the other side waves desperately with a huge smile on her face. "_Zero-chan! Hi!" _Caught off guard, she clears her throat. "I mean um... Zero, so you came. Please, let's talk."

Zero sat down. "What did you do to yourself?"

"That's not important right now. You came here for a reason, yes?"

"You said you wanted to talk about the power struggle."

"Yes. So..."

There was dead silence.

Both grew impatient. "_Well?"_

Zero leaned back in his chair. "You invited me here not having a clue on what to say?"

Leviathan did the same. "You came here not having a clue on what to say? Wait, I mean, sorry, my mind was distracted. I apologize."

Zero sighed. "So..."

Leviathan was screwed. She had gone this far with her plan but forgot what to do next. It was bad enough she had to pretend to be serious. But she just let it go. "Zero, the real reason I invited you here..."

"Was some sort of trap to get me to go on a date with you, hence the reason you made yourself look all pretty and shiny, but while you thought I would be shocked and surprised from your new appearance, which I am, that I would lower my guard, giving you the opportunity to play a love song and ask me to dance, but I can't dance and you know that, but you would use the moment when I step on your foot as the perfect excuse to beat my can, or if I tripped you would chain my legs to huge metal balls and try to make me your manslave, and with that happening, you could say to everyone how you defeated the so-called legendary reploid known as Zero even though he defeated you three times in battle, but this wouldn't be a battle because it's a dance and no weapons were used unless I did step on your foot and you beat my can using your scythe, which would probably happen since I can't dance even if my long hundred or so years of life depended on it, which I wind up sacrificing almost every day for a crazy human blonde girl. Am I right?"

Leviathan froze dead in her seat, while Zero took a leg of chicken and took a huge bite. "You and Ciel think very much alike."

* * *

Back at the apartment, Fefnir and Harpuia were playing Poker. "Five bucks says Leviathan's plan doesn't work, Harp." 

"Please. We all know too well what will happen."

* * *

Zero finished off the chicken and was ready to leave. "Operator, we're done here. I think." 

"What became of Leviathan, sir?"

Zero looked back at the motionless girl at the table. "Owned. Well, I figured out her plan and she hasn't moved since. I suppose you can transfer me back."

"Please wait."

Zero transferred back to the resistance base, only to find someone waiting for him. "**ZERO-CHAN!"**

Cerveau could hear Zero scream for dear life, but shrugged and got back to work. Ciel wore a giant smile on her face, dragging Zero across the floor and what appears to be anti-depressant medication in her other hand.

"Wait until you see what kind of place we got, Zero! It's a cute little place with one bedroom, unfortunately two beds, but I can manage. So you're going to help me move in because I need a break and the doctor said I was too stressed out, but this stuff makes me all giddly and full of joy! I can't do anything without you Zero! So will you come, please please please please please?"

Zero didn't even know what was going on. "Uh..."

"Oh, Zero, you are so sweet! Who ever thought a hundred-year old reploid could be so nice and _cuuuuuute_? Did I say that out loud? Oh well! Joy joy joy, I'm going to get my own place! You'll watch over me, right Zero? I mean, we can't trust Neo Arcadia to leave me alone, it's always me they're after! Well, you too, but I'm the brains behind everything! But enough of that, I need to get all my clothes packed, take all my work with me, and you'll help me because you're so sweet and kind, and the kitchen! Oh, Zero, this is what I've needed for so long! You can use a break, too, since you go on all those dangerous missions which get me so worried!"

Zero could only whimper as Ciel continued to drag him throughout the base yapping her mouth off.

* * *

Leviathan walked through the door in complete silence. 

Fefnir snickered. "Figured you out again, did he?"

Harpuia just observed his cards. "Did you honestly think he would fall for it the tenth time?"

Leviathan went into her room. "Maybe. Maybe not. I think I finally found his weakness."

Harpuia and Fefnir were actually curious.

"It's that Ciel! She's as crazy as I am when it comes to him! So that means, _I must destroy Ciel_!"

The boys groaned and turned away in disappointment.

Fefnir got up. "We should just go over there and fight him!"

Harpuia raised an eyebrow. "In the resistance base? Don't you remember what happened last time?"

"Uh, yeah, I set off the security system and almost got blown to bits from the security guns and resistance force. What's your point?"

Harpuia only shook his head.

Fefnir tried to stand up for himself. "But I stole some cookies! Ain't that worth something?"

Leviathan yelled from her room. "It was cooked by Ciel. You were sick for a month, remember?"

Fefnir's pride dropped like an anvil. "Oh yeah. Well, can't we go anyway?"

Leviathan and Harpuia yelled at him. "NO!"

* * *

"Are we there yet?" 

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"... Now we are!"

Zero, holding at least a story's height of luggage, looks dumbfounded as there's absolutely nothing in front of them. "Um, you know, Ciel, when you said you were forcing me to live with you in an apartment, I was thinking of, you know, an apartment apartment."

Ciel waved her finger at her bag boy. "Oh, silly Zero! The apartment's in a secret place!"

Zero had a bad feeling about this. "Secret?"

Ciel lit up like a Christmas tree. "Yeah!" She takes out some remote control, eagerly awaiting to explain her plan to Zero. "You see, this remote, which I call the Cielmote, pretty clever, isn't it?"

"Uh..."

"Anyway, with the push of a button, it creates a door to cyberspace! I know there have been no sightings of doors to cyberspace ever since Omega was destroyed, so I made this thing so I could go into cyberspace whenever I want! Those guys in Neo-Arcadia won't ever suspect us of being there!"

Zero had some memories that conflicted with that. "Oh, I dunno about that..."

Ciel wasn't paying attention. "C'mon! It'll be fun."

Ciel's remote creates a door to cyberspace, which looks different this time than before. Instead of everything appearing green, it just looks like someone changed the hue on their TV. Unlike the previous cyberspace, there are things that don't appear in the normal world and vice versa. Ciel quickly walks through, not able to wait a second longer to reach their destination, Zero rolls his eyes and shrugs, knowing his options at this point.

Zero was seconds away from dropping the luggage on Ciel. "When we get there, can I sleep? I haven't had a good morning."

"Okay. I'll tell you when we get there."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

* * *

Leviathan was back in her normal armor. "Okay guys, I'm going out!" 

Fefnir and Harpuia weren't paying much attention. Fefnir was playing a classic Megaman game and Harpuia was doing a crossword puzzle.

Leviathan got annoyed. "Aren't you going to ask me where I'm going?"

Harpuia didn't even look at her. "You're going to create some new ice dragon that flies for you and doesn't melt so quickly in an attempt to find Zero to fulfill some scary fantasy."

Leviathan sighed. "You take the fun out of everything, Harp. Actually, I was going to get some professional help."

Harpuia raised an eyebrow.

Leviathan pointed at him. "Psyche! No, seriously, I'm doing what you said earlier. Off to find Zero! Wanna come? We can burn some things down on the way over..."

Fefnir looked at her for a second, then turned back to his game.

"We can kill some pigeons on the way over."

Harpuia just shrugged. "Fine!" Leviathan slammed the door as she walked out.

Harpuia turned the page. "It still don't understand how it's possible we're related."

Leviathan burst back in, impatiently waiting for her brothers. "You guys are coming whether you want to or not!" She pulled out a straw and blew two darts out of it, knocking Harpuia and Fefnir out. "Wow, I'm surprised that actually worked. I didn't think a tranquilizer would work on a reploid. Hah!"

Two of Lev's ice dragons came into the room and carried Fef and Harp's unconscious bodies.

"We're going to pay Zero a little visit!"

* * *

"What do you mean he's not here?" 

The operator spoke on the other line. "He's not in the base. I think he went out."

Leviathan was baffled. "Well, where to?"

"That information was not given to us."

"Well, what am I supposed to do, now? Hello?"

There was no response from the front gate of the resistance base.

Harpuia was sitting on a nearby rock. "Well, now what?"

Fefnir was walking back and forth to kill time. "We could go hunting for them." He noticed a green glow coming nearby. "Hey, what's that?"

Leviathan poked her head past Fefnir. "A door to cyberspace? But I thought these things disappeared after the Omega battle?"

Harpuia just walked into the door without saying a word, leaving Fef and Lev confused. He poked his head back out. "You got anything else better to do?"

Fef and Lev just looked at each other and shrugged. They had only been in cyberspace once during the Omega battle and came out with seizures. Maybe this time would be different?

* * *

_This chapter didn't come out as good as I hoped, but the next one's interesting. Will Ciel's vacation plan work out? Will she and Zero be able to hide from the Guardians? What or who awaits them in cyberspace? Is Leviathan actually serious about destroying Ciel? Will Zero ever escape Ciel and Leviathan? What will happen to the trio in Cyberspace? Find out next chapter!_


	4. Encounters

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 4: Encounters**

_All the characters except Lina, Melan, and Tris belong to Capcom. Silent Bob belongs to the brilliant mind of Kevin Smith. Why am doing this? Maybe I wanted to see a funny guardian story and there aren't that many. I just hope MMZ4 doesn't make this story seem extremely out of place._

_So Leviathan has an unhealthy obsession with Zero, Fefnir's dumb as hell but wants to be surrounded by women, and Harpuia would do anything to escape the immature behavior of his siblings, but wouldn't mind sleep or a dry martini. Now we find out Zero's a hopeless soldier with a passion for spicy food, who is always bothered by Ciel, who wants to make Zero her slave no more than Leviathan, but her anti-depressants make her go wild. Let's see who else is tossed in the mix._

_

* * *

_

Zero continues to walk towards Ciel's new apartment in Cyberspace, carrying a ton (literally) of her luggage, sleepy as hell. Ciel just walks with a relaxed look her face, excited about her new place with her favorite ancient reploid.

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we there yet?"

"No."

"Are we-" Zero wasn't paying attention to where he was going, so he walked straight into a pole.

Ciel got excited like a schoolgirl. "We're here!"

If anything, the place looked more like a hotel than an apartment. Zero remembered the hotels he used to stay in when he was a Maverick Hunter, the waterbed, the hot pool, the cable TV, so he was hoping he'd see those here. As he opened the door with the keys Ciel had, he was delighted to see those, and fell asleep on the bed immediately. Ciel loved it when Zero was unconscious. "Oh, Zero looks so cute when he's sleeping! Too bad this is only a summer home."

Ciel's stomach started to make all sorts of noises, from cartoon sound effects, car crashes, and gunshots. "I'm so hungry! Zero!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him out of the place. "It's time to eat, Zero! I'm hungry!"

Zero in his sleep hung on to everything he could. By the time Ciel dragged him out, hanging from his legs were a kitchen sink, a bird cage with a bird in it, a TV, and a tire.

Ciel made a last resort. "_Zero..._ There's a restaurant with a lot of _food_. I'm sure they have _tacos, nachos and burritos!"_

Zero woke up to these words, since he hadn't eaten any real food ever since coming back from the desert after he defeated Copy X for the first time. Zero only hoped this wasn't another trap by Ciel.

* * *

Meanwhile, the Guardian trio all entered Cyberspace.

Harpuia wasn't impressed with what he saw. "Well, it looks different."

Leviathan on the other hand, "Oooh, pretty colors!"

Fefnir weirded himself out. "I think that stuff is starting to kick in, Silent Bob."

Leviathan looked around. "So why are we here, anyway? Harp? _Harp?" _She turned around to find Harpuia dashing as fast as he could back to the entry door, disappearing the second he went through it.

Leviathan's face dropped. "I... I can't believe he ditched us like that!"

Fefnir's eyes lit like jewels. "I can't believe I'm stuck here. _Forever!_ What am I going to do here for the next hundred years? Grow old and alone? Grow old and _alone!"_

Leviathan threw a rock at him. "Oh hush. We're not stuck here forever... Are we?" They both turned scared as the sky turned dark and it started to rain.

On the other side, Harpuia finally outsmarted his siblings. "Victory is mine! Oh, with those two out of the way, I'll do all the things I've wanted to do!" We warp to the apartment of the guardians and find Harpuia asleep on Leviathan's huge bed, snoring loudly.

* * *

Zero was sitting at a table, looking at the huge expensive restaurant they were in. "I can't believe there are restaurants, let alone apartments, in Cyberspace."

Ciel was reading her food menu. "Oh, c'mon Zero, it can't be that uncommon."

Zero sweatdropped. "Actually, it is. That's why I said it."

Ciel didn't pay attention to Zero. "Waiter, oh waiter, we're ready to order!"

The waiter comes their way but covers himself in the menu, and tries to change his voice with a high pitch. "_CAN I TAKE YOUR ORDER?"_

Ciel didn't even notice. "Yes! I'll take a extra large hamburger with extra chili, large fries, two beef burritos with extra meat and cheese, a slice of apple pie, and..._ a diet soda_."

"_AND YOU?"_

Zero raised an eyebrow and smiled. "Nachos, a beef taco with a flour tortilla, hot tamales, onion rings, and a vanilla milkshake, large." Zero sat in his seat with a smug look on his face. He got excited as he was going to have real food again. If there was one thing about having a different body he liked, it was more human-like externally and internally. He could eat human food and taste it.

Ciel thought to herself, _'Leave it to food to make Zero-chan happy.'_

Zero couldn't resist. "Oh, waiter? If you don't mind, please don't cook my food with that giant shuriuken on your back. Is that okay with you, **_Phantom_**?"

Zero pulled down the menu the waiter was holding, only to unmask the one and only Phantom. "Now this is just gold. So... what are you doing here?"

Phantom hoped this day would never come. "I, uh, _-clears throat-_ work here as a waiter. _-sigh-_ This is humiliating."

"A former guardian working at a restuarant?" Zero asked with curiousity. How some dark super ninja guardian turned into a waiter, he had to hear.

Phantom raised his fists in the air. "The economy here is atrociously horrible. Thank the gods of many that I was able to obtain a job at even a restaurant such as this."

"Ouch."

Phantom stepped out of his melodramatic form. "So why have you come back in Cyberspace? Or perhaps the real question at hand is how you managed to get back into Cyberspace. Hmm? I assume Ms. Ciel here is responsible for that. Am I correct in my assumption?"

Zero knew what was coming. "Yeah, uh-"

Ciel pushed Zero out of his seat anxious to tell even Phantom of her new invention. "I thought you'd never ask! Well, this is the Cielmote, nice name, huh? Anyway, we found out after the Omega battle that while Cyberspace still existed, the doors that lead to it did not, so I decided to create something that changed that! I found out that your brothers and sister were kicked out of the Neo Arcadia capital and now live in an apartment as roommates, but we found out somehow, I can't remember, but I got an idea to get my own place, with Zero! But I got paranoid since I'm usually the target of Neo Arcadia's plans in some way, shape and form, so I decided to live in Cyberspace where no one would think I was here with Zero and get the vacation and rest we really need since my doctor said I was depressed and worried sick over Zero's missions so I got these anti-depressants. This is a really cool device, isn't it?"

Phantom was staring at the ceiling, saliva coming out of his mouth. "I'm sorry, what?"

Ciel fell out of her seat, Zero picking himself back up. "She created a device that creates doors to Cyberspace, and decided to move into an apartment as a vacation and forced me to live with her."

Phantom was quick to create another dramatic gesture for himself. "Foolish human. Don't you realize that your bodies cannot exist as long as a day in Cyberspace? Your cells and will malfunction causing your insides to turn inside out resulting in a horrible and painful death!"

Ciel look mortified. "Oh my gosh, it that true? Zero, we have to get out of here! I don't wanna die!" She ran out of the restaurant in a snap. Phantom and Zero chuckled at Ciel's reaction.

Zero couldn't be more thankful. "I SO owe you for this."

"You can begin your payment by paying off this bill."

Phantom handed Zero the bill, causing Zero to collapse in his chair, but he later put his hand back on the table to grab whatever food came and pulled it all under. The table started to violently vibrate. Meanwhile, someone decided to sneak up behind Phantom and cover his eyes.

"Guess who?"

Phantom didn't have to move a muscle. "You fail to surprise me, Leviathan."

Leviathan dropped her hands. "Oh, poo. Why is it that _everyone _can figure me out?"

"Well, you tell your plans to everyone, even Zero, and after your plans backfire you still do them over and over." Fefnir replied.

Leviathan was confused. "People always tell me to practice over and over again!"

Phantom was pointing to the bottom of the table. "It's a shame that Zero's so gullible. _Zero, Ciel's back. She wants to go shopping for a new swimsuit."_

Zero popped up from under the table. "_Oh HELL no._ Last time that happened I got arrested. Ciel, I'm not going anywhere!"

Phantom held his trey like a fan. "Told you."

Fefnir and Leviathan laughed, Zero's face turning blue realizing he was fooled again. "Speaking of whom, where is she?"

Smoke started to appear behind Phantom. "Judging by the look of things outside, she's ready to activate a door back into reality. After all, no reploid or human can exist in Cyberspace for more than at least six hours without their insides crawling outside and their bloodflow turning the opposite direction, causing intense pain, your skin turning all sorts of colors, your eyeballs popping out of your heads, and internal malfunction. That is of course, unless any of you are deceased reploids that somehow wandered off into Cyberspace like yours truly, or are a cyberelf. So with that said..."

The restaurant fills with smoke as Zero, Fef and Lev race outside in desperate attempts to escape, pushing each other and yelling at each other.

Phantom had a smug look on his face. "I swear to X, the youth of this generation will be the end of the universe as we know it. Oh well!"

He puts on a chef hat and wanders to the back. Life has actually been really good to him since he entered Cyberspace, with the exception of fighting Zero two months back. He turned into a popular chef and hosts a highly rated cook show.

Behind him, a familar blonde-haired cyberelf appears behind him. "Uh, Chef P?"

"What is it, apprentice?"

It was Elpizo. "Is what you just said to those customers, you know, true?"

Phantom almost laughed. "Not at all. I just don't want them to interfere with my life and destroy my career. Believe me, it was bad enough when I was alive in the real world."

"Ooooh..."

* * *

Flashback for Phantom. He was trying to sharpen his sword and his huge shuriuken.

Fefnir: Have you repaired my guns yet?

"No."

Harpuia: Have you seen Master X?

"No."

Leviathan: Did you break into my room and steal my diary?

"No."

Copy X: Did you put a whoopie cushion on my throne?

"No."

Harpuia: Care to spar?

"No."

Fefnir: Wanna have a hot dog eating contest? Winner gets a free omelet!

"No."

Leviathan: Does this dress make me look fat?

"Yes."

_**TWANG**_

Phantom continued to work on his weapons with a scythe crammed halfway through the back of his skull.

All he wanted to be was alone, since his breakup with his girlfriend ended horribly and ate at his mind every hour since for the last three years, especially since she was still alive and always near. Poetry didn't help, chatting with people online didn't help, music didn't help, and not even professional help could get him out of the stress. It didn't help that the people he lived with constantly bothered him. None of the others could really help him as he was the only guardian to have some kind of relationship. It didn't help that the girl, named Lina, completely went out of her way to ruin Phantom's reputation and won, so he was seen as a dark and evil guardian of X.

All that changed when they received word of a powerful reploid in the resistance wielding a sword, and once again when he was slain by that being. So the afterlife hadn't been so bad after his last battle with Zero.

He just didn't want any of them to bother him. He could imagine the new hell they would unleash upon him.

Zero: Phantom, is Ciel in there?

"No."

Zero: Yes!

Ciel: Phantom, have you seen Zero?

"No."

Zero: Hey P, ya hungry?

"No."

* * *

In the real world, Leviathan and Ciel were trading words with one another.

One girl held a scythe. "You stay away from him!"

The other had a remote in her hand. "No, you stay away from him!"

"Reploids and humans can't reproduce!"

"But I found him first!"

Zero and Fefnir leaned against a rock as the sun began to set.

Zero was the first to speak. "So, how's the new life?"

Fefnir just nodded his heads to the sides. "Oh, could be better."

Zero pointed to Leviathan. "I can see she hasn't changed."

Fefnir pointed at Ciel. "Neither has she, and they both are nuts about you. Get it, _nuts_?"

Zero laughed sarcastically. "Nuts and bolts. _Ha ha ha._ I hate my life."

"At least you can get women."

"Yeah, and something tragic always happens to them."

Fefnir got interested. "Oh, do tell."

"First girlfriend, Iris, cute brunette girl, a bit young, I had no choice but to kill her brother against my own will, and she fought me to the death later."

"So who won?"

Zero just stared at Fefnir.

"Aaaaanyway, nine years later, I started dating this one girl, Tris, blonde, shiny green eyes, excellent build."

Fefnir laughed. "_Build!_ Hah, that's a good one."

Zero sweatdropped. "Uh, yeah. Asked her on a date, arrives five seconds late, gets hit by a bus. Sad story. Then there was Melan, nice, smart, wore glasses and had jet black hair. Turns out to be a Maverick, threw her off a cliff. The end. Next one's even worse. One girl, really cute, red head, pigtails, tough as hell, can't remember her name."

Fefnir nodded his head with a big smile on his face. "A girl who can kick your ass, now that's _my_ kind of woman."

Zero looked away at the sky. "At dinner, X notices she hasn't said a word, pokes her with a fork, pops and that's the end of her. Embarrassing as hell."

Fefnir shook his head. "Women are heartless. Not these two. They'll be at it for a while." He pointed at Ciel and Leviathan, still arguing.

Zero wandered off. "Ah, screw this, I'm going back to the base and taking a well-needed nap, and I'm going to reset all the locks so I can't be bothered."

Fefnir was surprised. "You're not staying? Your loss." His face quickly lit up as the two girls started to get into a physical fight, trading punches and pulling each other's hair. He nods his head to his sides. "Heheheh, _Aw-right...!_ Fight, fight, fight!"

"Shut up!"

Fefnir is soon knocked out with a well-placed blow to the head from both.

* * *

_Yeah, I decided to make a slight change from the main story. After all, we have some fun at the expense of the living guardians, so why not toss Zero, Ciel, and Phantom into the mix? Next chapter, everything's going to be back to normal. So next chapter, Harpuia gets a letter for jury duty, Fefnir gets a job at a fast food restaurant, and Leviathan, frustrated at her plans for Zero, decides to do something different. Next chapter coming later this week._


	5. A Day in the Life

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 5: A Day in the Life**

_Everyone here is Capcom's except for Optimus Prime. I want my MMZ4!_

_So now we've met Phantom, who's living the good life in Cyberspace as a popular television chef, and Elpizo (in cyber-elf form, of course) is his new apprentice. And if you don't know how everyone else is, read the stories!_

_Everything's fixed in format. Thanks for the heads up, everyone! Told you I was still new at this._

_

* * *

_

We return to the guardian's apartment. Harpuia appears to be reading the morning paper while drinking some coffee. Leviathan is eating a bowl of cereal. Fefnir's trying to do a puzzle on the back of the cereal box. The news is on the TV, but nothing's really going on.

_"My theory is that X was not in fact murdered. In fact, I truly believe he destroyed himself, poisoned by his guardians or was involved in the mafia."_

"Change it."

_"The Red Bots win the World Series!"_

"Change it."

_"Wow, Optimus Prime! You saved Christmas!"_

"Change it."

"Um, Lev, you have the remote." spoke a voice behind the paper.

"Oh, yeah." She decided to turn it off instead. "This sucks." Her brothers nodded in agreement. They were all bored, and Harpuia looked like he hadn't shaved in weeks. Since when did he grow hair?

"I'm getting the mail." Leviathan slowly walked up and out of the apartment wearing little more than an oversized t-shirt. She, like her brothers, were quite lazy in the morning.

Harpuia lowered his paper, revealing that he was smoking a pipe. "Does this make me look a little more dignified?" He had been interested in the whole 'reading newspaper, smoking pipe, drinking coffee look.'

Fefnir lit up. "Oh! I get it now. It spells, 'Friendz 4Ever!" He paused to think about it for a second. "Now that's just lame." His focus was on the puzzle of the cereal box.

Harpuia lifted the paper back up. "Why do I even bother?"

The door opened, letting a huge beam of light in. "Mail call!" Leviathan always got excited when it came to mail. She never knew if she was going to get something good, whether it be money, a love note, or a free magazine subscription, even after twelve years of nothing. "Lessee, lessee. Spam, credit card, credit card, credit card, credit card, spam, spam, have you seen us, spam, credit card, credit card... ah, Harpuia. You have mail."

Leviathan tossed Harpuia a thick letter. "Jury duty?" Harpuia put down his paper. "I swear, this is like high school all over again."

"And Fefnir..."

Fefnir almost lit up like a child on Christmas day. Mail?

"...Get a life!"

Leviathan snickered at her mean joke, only for Fefnir to slam the cereal box through her head as he walked out. Harpuia was pretty impressed with what he saw. "Now there's a look for ya. That'll knock the boys dead."

His little sister spoke through the cereal box. "Ou shuh uh!" She then removed the box from her head. "You know what, Harp? I'm doing something I haven't done in a long time."

"Put up makeup and a lean sparkly blue dress and pretend you're going to the prom with a fake cardboard Zero and light him up in flames like you write in your diary so many times?"

Leviathan froze. "You _read **my **_diary?"

Sage pointed at the fridge. "Well, if you put your entry pages on the fridge for everyone to read, everyone's going to read it. Moron."

She couldn't remember herself ever doing that. Then it came to her. "FEFNIR!"

"Score!" was the response from the living room.

You could cook an egg on her head. "Well, no, Sage. I was thinking about going out and relaxing for a day."

Both boys could barely hold their faces. "No… Zero?"

Leviathan walked toward her room. "Nope!"

Fefnir's attention turned as he saw a deal on the TV, while Sage finished his coffee. "If there ever was a sign of the apocalypse coming, that was it."

"That's freaking awesome!" yelled the Red reploid in the living room. "Hey Harpuia, there's a deal says saying if you work at Burger Kong and become an employee of the week, you get an awesome new car! I'm gonna work there!"

Sage just tossed the paper in the trash. "Fefnir, did it ever occur to you that maybe, oh, I don't know, you can turn into a vehicle?" He then took his legs off the table. "Oh, that's right, Zero totaled your steering and breaking. Knock yourself out."

"Wahoo! Look out, Burger Kong! Fefnir's in the hizzouse!"

Sage decided to make himself more coffee after Fefnir nearly blew the door off and flew off the balcony again. "I hate it when he tries to sound hip." He turned around to find his sister in a two piece bikini walking out the door. "What the _hell_ are you doing this time?"

"Going to relax and have some me time at the beach. Bye!" Leviathan waved as she stormed out, not paying attention to the balcony and flying off of it.

Sage drank the coffee in one quick sip. _'And that's what drove me to drink.'_ He barely leaned his head to the side when he heard a voice outside.

_"Dude! That blue guardian chick's in her underwear!"_

_

* * *

_

"Um, sir. You have to put your real name on your application form." said a really rather skinny reploid with glasses.

"That really is my full name. Fighting Fefnir."

Fefnir was already in a job interview at Burger Kong.

"If you say so."

"You haven't heard of me? I was one of the guardians of Master X!"

"Nice job guarding him. I heard what happened. Say, now I know who you are! You're the guy who chased down the turkey mascot at Arcadia Fried Turkey."

"He said my ass was red."

"Sir, your ass _is_ red. Maybe if you wore a different color of armor that would be different."

Fefnir had paused for a second.

"Oooooh."

* * *

Leviathan had gone to East Beach on the other side of town. Neo Arcadia was right next to the East Ocean, where Levi decided to relax and enjoy the scenery and the sun.

'This is so relaxing!' Leviathan thought to herself, but caught herself. 'Okay, no Zero, no Zero, no Zero, no Zero…' But before she could continue, an image of the resistance reploid appeared in the sky, waving hi at her before sticking his tongue out and pulling his right eye.

"Damn it, Zero!"

It was almost like he really was there, except he was in the sky, transparent and probably twenty times his size. He pointed and laughed at Levi before disappearing.

"Finally, some me time. Me time me time me time!"

Suddenly, an announcer's voice could be heard near the shore, which was really only Leviathan. She didn't realize she was the only person on the entire beach.

"Hang on to your hats, boys and girls, cause it's the opening day of Mainstream Television's 'Summer Break 20XX!' I'm your host, Viper Nemphis, and we're ready to enter East Beach for the party event of the year!"

Leviathan didn't realize she was in the middle of the opening of the biggest party on East Beach. She noticed something bright and orange appeared above her head with three siren noises added to it:

**WARNING**

She took off her sunshades. "Now that can't be good." In the heartbeat, she found herself clobbered by a stampede of teenage reploids ready to party for the summer. Two had stopped near the hill where one of Levi's arms and one of her legs were sticking out.

"Dude, I think we just ran over some chick."

"Dude, you said 'chick.'"

"Dude!"

"Dude."

"Dude?"

"Duuude."

Levi popped out of the sand and cleared her throat. "Dudes?"

They both turned towards her and then to each other, surprised a girl was talking to them.

"FORE!"

They found themselves far in the ocean after Levi used her scythe as a golf club. "Duuuude!"

A hopeless sigh came out of Levi's mouth. "If I ever take over the world I'm going to make all the reploid males of the planet my freaking slaves. Empress Fairy Leviathan. That so doesn't sound right. Darth Levi? Nah. Oh, General Leviathan! Wait a minute."

Before she could correct herself, a thick volleyball bounced off her head, knocking her to the ground. Some big handsome reploid came running up to her, lending her his hand, "Are you all right?" Leviathan just threw the ball at him, bouncing off his face and knocking him flat on his back.

Leviathan got her things and was about to leave. "Just when I get a vacation, this kind of thing happens. -sigh-" Suddenly, a thought came to mind. Perhaps there was a way for her to rest in relaxing peace without any of these people.

* * *

_"You know what the difference between a white reploid and a black reploid?"_

_-click-_

_"A huge flock of dead pigeons were discovered today as animal rights protesters-"_

_-click-_

_"Now we know everything about X, but what about this Zero character?"_

_-click-_

_"Various sightings of doors leading to cyberspace-"_

_-click-_

_"Just because I switched brains with your sister and switched bodies with your cousin doesn't mean I can't love you!"_

_-click-_

_"The girl who's sexy, smooth, smart, and can beat you down. Damn, she's funky. Oh yeah... Catch the adventures of-"_

_-click-_

_"The father of a reploid is a human, claims single reploid mother-"_

_-click-_

Harpuia was bored to death, unshaven and full of chips. "1340 channels and nothing on."

_-click-_

_

* * *

_

"Okay, you're hired."

"Woohoo! Fefnir's gotta job! Harp's going to be so jealous."

"Now, before I get you the outfit and start to pay you, you need to make sure you say the restaurant motto _every_ time a customer orders."

"Uh, what?"

_"Welcome to Burger Kong: Where Kong want Burger! May I take your order?"_

"You... can't be serious."

Fefnir's new boss waved his application in his hand. "I'm sure there are several Arcadia High school graduates waiting to take your place, Mr. Fefnir."

Fefnir sighed. _"Welcome to Burger Kong. KONG WANT BURGER! Can I take your order?"_

"I like that better than what I said. Now that's the spirit!"

Fefnir thought to himself, _'Harpuia's going to have a field day with this.'_

_

* * *

_

Levi was laying down back in the place she was before, umbrella and shades, when the sound of yelling and screaming could be heard.

"Water monster! Water monster! Run!"

Leviathan was the only one who looked relaxed as the place evacuated. She just raised her shades with her thumb. "Dance, puppets, dance! Let the ice dragons get you! _Muahahahahahah!_"

* * *

_"Have I mentioned how much I hate you ever since I married you?"_

_-click-_

_"Now what about this Ciel girl, does she lead the resistance?"_

_-click-_

_"A former guardian of Mega Man X was arrested today-"_

_-click-_

_"My ass has finally eaten my in-laws! Give it my attorney, for it is hungry!"_

_-click-_

_"How many drones does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10011010!"_

_-click-_

_"It's Lifestyles of the Selfish and Spoiled! Today we explore the-"_

_-click-_

_"The girl, named Fairy Leviathan, broke out and remains at large. Details at-"_

_-click-_

_"Yo yo yo, whazzup in the whazzup hizzouse, muthas? Fo shiiizzle!"_

_-click-_

_"Jon Jon, don't you remember what happened to the kids who were up here last night? The monster came and took their heads, money, and right shoe."_

_-click-_

Harpuia turned off the TV. "And they should be coming in right..."

The door blew open, with Fefnir and Levi pushing each other trying to get into the door first.

Fefnir came inside wearing an embarrassing outfit with a huge monkey on it. "I got hired!"

Leviathan threw Fefnir off the balcony and went straight to her room. "I'm going to bed. Long day. Goooo' night! And if any cops come over, I don't live here." But she had left the front door open, and Harpuia decided to listen.

_"Hey ladies, look who's going to get a new car soon! What's so funny? Hey! I don't wear this all the time, you know! Call me!"_

The eavesdropping came to an abrupt ending as two reploid cop officers knocked on the open door. Harpuia didn't turn around, but instead he just pointed to Leviathan's room. "Second room on the right." He picked up the TV Guide as the officers dragged a yelling handcuffed Levi out the door.

After the officers left, "See you in the funny pages." was all that came out of Sage's mouth. Fefnir finally came through the door, trying to hide the crazy monkey on his work shirt.

Sage pointed a water gun at Fefnir. "Hand's up!"

Fefnir acted as Sage predicted and took the opportunity to take a picture.

"Boo, and yah." Harpuia smiled with his tongue curved up. "I'm putting this on the fridge. KONG WANT BURGER! I can't believe you thought it would be that easy."

Fefnir smirked. "Oh, but it was!"

Sage curved his eyebrows while Fefnir turned on the TV.

_"The fast food restaurant Burger Kong on the west side of town was set ablaze by an anonymous arsonist, and it was believed he had stolen the restaurant's new Ferweeni 30XX, which was destroyed after the arsonist drove near a jail and broke out a random unidentified inmate. Unfortunately, the car was destroyed after the driver made an attempt to-"_

Harpuia turned off the TV. "Hired, eh?"

"Shut up. At least I still have..." Fefnir didn't realize what had just happened. He blew up his work place, stole the vehicle he wanted, only to break Levi out and destroy it. All he really came out with was an embarrassing work shirt. "Oh crap."

"Hah, and who says that people like us who sit around and do nothing all day don't get to have any fun?" Harpuia laughed as he turned the TV back on, blasting the volume.

_"A witness report says that the arsonist was wearing a Burger Kong work shirt and wore red armor, very similar to a former guardian of Mega Man X, Fighting Fefnir."_

Harpuia just turned around and waved at Fefnir. "Bai bai..."

Within seconds the same officers came back in, handcuffed Fefnir, and took him out the door. Harpuia just turned back to the TV with a satisfied look on his face. "And that'll take care of five months of rent."

The channel surfing ensued throughout the night.

* * *

_There's something you probably wouldn't have expected. Levi and Fef get arrested? But Harpuia turning them in? That probably wasn't a surprise. But will he still have to go to jury duty? Only time will tell there. Well, see you next time!_


	6. Loneliness

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 6: Loneliness**

_Everyone here belongs to Capcom. All the references belong to Marvel, Disney and Pixar, DC, Star Wars, Elvis, Terminator, Star Trek, Kevin Smith, Mork and Mindy, ATHF, TMNT, Namco, Sega, Nintendo, and Cartoon Network, and Happy Days. See if you can find them all. Lastly, my own personal plug._

_Harpuia Episode. Yay for Harpuia fans._

_

* * *

_

It was past 2 in the morning as a dark figure typed on a computer.

"No, that's not good. Why can't I do this?"

The text on the computer had appeared as follows:

_Hi, I'm Sage Harpuia, former guardian of Master Mega Man X. I enjoy intelligent conversations, action, the news, and_

_I'd consider myself to be_

_SUBMIT_

_CANCEL_

Harpuia had actually considered joining an online dating service, but had no idea what to put about himself. Who was he? Other than the obvious, he had no idea about who he was on the inside.

"Ah, screw this," the frustrated guardian mumbled. "I'll try something in the morning."

* * *

Next morning, Harpuia is in his room, full of old Gundam and Transformers posters, a tiki statue, a bed with a _Buzz Lightyear_ bedspread, a bookshelf full of used political insight, a computer, and last but not least a _Jimmy Hendrix_ poster. He was looking in the mirror, asking himself one question.

"Who am I?"

Harpuia decided he was going to find something that fit his image. Enter the slideshow.

Harpuia comes out of the closet with an afro and a sparkling disco outfit. "_Thank you very much!_... Oh God, no."

A jedi outfit with a plastic lightsaber. "_Use the force, Luke!_ Right, like this hasn't been tried before."

A blue and red outfit with a web design. "_My spider sense is tingling!_ God, this thing is itchy!"

A leather jacket, a shotgun, and sunglasses. "_Hasta la vista, baby._ What am I thinking? I can't fake an accent."

A blue suit with a medal on the left side of his chest with pointy ears, making a vulcan peace hand sign. "_Nanu nanu!_ Wait a minute..."

A blonde stoner with long blonde hair, a cap, and a smoke. "_Snootch to the Nootch!_ Nah, Zero tried this when he tried to escape the resistance base."

* * *

Flashback. Zero made an attempt to disguise himself to get out of the resistance base. He decided he would disguise himself as Jay from _Jay and Silent Bob_, the characters he remembered from the movies he always checked out when he was a Maverick Hunter. He would be Jay, since he had the hair. He just needed a Silent Bob. The fat boy on the second floor wouldn't help him, but no one else was so big. So, he decided to make a desperate measure.

Ciel had approached them. "Are you new here?"

Zero, disguised as Jay, spoke. "Uh, sure. I think. Naww."

Ciel had an uncomfortable expression on her face. "_Ooookay_. Is he alright?" pointing to the unconscious reploid next to him.

Zero looked at the fake-bearded hat-and-trenchcoat-wearing reploid near him. "Oh, him. That's Silent Bob. He don't talk."

Ciel got a bit suspicious. "So why aren't you guys doing anything?"

Zero responded. "Wha? We don't live here! Lunchbox and I aren't no part of this stupid resistance!" He probably got too much into character.

"Stupid...?" Ciel's eyes lit on fire. "**STUPID?**"

"Uh, what? Huh?" Apparently someone came out of unconsciousness.

Ciel exploded on them. "You're in my house now, boy! I wanna see these floor clean! So clean that even my spit will have a reflection! And if I come in here to see you slacking off again, so help me I'm going to make you a part of my next experiment! And believe me, it won't be pretty. **GET TO WORK!**"

Ciel shoved the broom into Zero, nearly knocking him down. "Yes ma'am!" he whimpered.

She walked into her lab with a smirk on her face. _'He's so adorable when he tries to outsmart me.'_

_

* * *

_

Harpuia laughed to himself. _'That was almost as bad as the time he asked Leviathan if she gained any weight after that Elpizo guy went mad.'_

_

* * *

_

Flashback Two. Zero's encounter with Leviathan after Elpizo went missing.

Leviathan was swimming in the large acquarium. "Forget about that Elpizo guy. You won't live to see the outcome, Zero!"

Zero just leaned on his sword, looking at his hands. "Yeah, Fefnir said the same thing before he accidentally set himself on fire."

Leviathan was serious. "What's your point?"

Zero sighed, even though he was underwater. "Heard it about a thousand times before." He started to use air quotes and raised his hands in the air like a monster would. "_You will suffer, Zero! Get in my belly, Zero. Join me, Zero. I will kill the one you love, Zero. You have no chance to defeat me Zero. All your Zero are belong to us. I will kill you after you die, Zero. I'll send you to hell and back, Zero!_" He put the act to a rest. " I've kinda become immune to it."

Leviathan was growing impatient. "Are you done?"

Zero stretched, popping his elbows. "Almost. You look different this time around. You did something to yourself, didn't you?"

Leviathan almost blushed. She in fact did. A tad bit more makeup and something to make her hair and armor shiny.

"Wow, I must've left some kind of impression." Zero said, observing Levi's change in attitude.

_'Crap!'_ thought Levi. _'I can't let him know! Not now!'_

Zero continued. "You're the most feared female in all of Neo Arcadia, and then I come around..."

Leviathan started to sweat, but lucky for her, the water didn't allow it to become visible.

"... only to kick your can, _twice_, and you get so depressed you _let yourself go_. That's sad, really."

Leviathan blinked in shock before it really hit her. Suddenly, bubbles rose from the top of the water. "**DIE!**" she yelled, charging at Zero.

Zero cracked his neck before pulling his sword out from the floor, not concerned with the fact that Levi was charging full speed at him. _'First it's the green guy getting all mad because I thought he was a chick, now it's the blue girl getting mad because I thought she put on a few pounds. Well, here we go again...'_

_

* * *

_

_'That was gold.'_ Harpuia thought to himself.

His little fashion show continued.

A bald guy with a mustache, a white muscle shirt, blue sweatpants and flip flops. "_Hey baby, yeah you! You checkin' me out? Yeah..._ If Leviathan were here, thank goodness she's not, she'd kill me for even thinking about this."

A cowboy. "Howdy. Where's the guns on this thing? I feel like shooting myself."

A football player. "I'm open! I'm open! Where's the people to tackle you when you need them?"

A cheerleader. "_Give me a-_ What on earth is this doing in my closet?"

A ninja. "_I am part of the X clan, where we are raised as mercenaries!_ Who am I kidding?"

A space reporter with pink hair. "_Spaaaace Channel X!_ ... Dammit Leviathan!"

A rock star. "_WAAAAAAAAAAAAA-_" Before he knew it he was coughing up a storm.

A red plumber with a mustache. "_Let's-a go! Okie dokie! Mama mia!_ ...Mama mia indeed..."

A pimp. "I can't believe anyone takes this look seriously at all."

A turtle shell with a sock wrapping his eyes. "_Cowabunga!_... I can't see in this thing."

A secret agent. "_Harp. Sage Harp. 008._" He pressed a button, and before he knew it a truck fell on him.

A bucket over his head. "Close, but no."

A giant yellow ball. "_Waka waka waka waka waka._ Does that come with english?"

A chef. "Phantom beat me to it."

Nothing. "Ah, there we go."

Silence.

"Damn!"

He slammed the door on his closet. "I won't get a date at this rate. '_Be yourself_,' they say. If that's how you get people to notice you, Fefnir's idiocy would attract everyone. Ah, who cares? I don't need anyone. I'm cool all alone."

* * *

Sage found himself channel surfing again.

_"With two of X's guardians in jail, whose to say the last one won't convert to madness?"_

_-click-_

_"Looking for a good time?"_

"Yes."

_"Then please donate to the following address to adopt a child."_

_-click-_

_"You save someone's life, yes? You want to save life, yes? Please donate house to family, yes?"_

_-click-_

_"I can't believe it's my first time!"_

Harpuia's eye's widened in surprise.

_"Who ever thought getting addicted to gambling was so much fun?"_

_-click-_

_"Want money? Want it now? If you're injured in your job and never graduated middle school, you're in luck!"_

_-click-_

_"Their brother turned them in! Either that's an act of betrayal or doing the right thing. I doubt he did it for the money or because he grew tired of them."_

_-click-_

_"Mr. Owl, how many licks does it take to reach the nuclear center of the planet?"_

_-click-_

_"I pity da foo who doesn't scratch his ass for da techno fiend!"_

_-click-_

_"Your Pukechu could never defeat my turdloid, not with his puny water powers, slow reflexes, and inability to program a VCR!"_

_-click-_

Harpuia sighed as he turned off the TV. "I am _so _pathetic. I'm going out. But in what?"

Back to the drawing board.

* * *

Harpuia found a comfortable outfit but twisted his sides to get a view of everything.

"I'm not going to get any excitement wearing my regular armor, but these jeans make my ass look big. And a green shirt that says, _'My second car is your girlfriend?'_ with the word _'ASSMAN'_ on the back? Did I actually buy this? I need to stop drinking."

Sage then sucked down a bottle of whiskey.

"There's gotta be something in here that I can wear outside."

He finally found something. A hawaiian shirt that had palm trees and a green-blue sky, a green t-shirt with the phrase, _"Voltron got served!"_ and calm faded blue jeans. He finished it off with sunshades. This had been the first time since high school that he wore anything that wasn't his armor.

"I need an entrance."

Warp to the main hallway. Harpuia slides out of his room while his stereo plays _"Rock You Like a Hurricane"_ by _The Scorpions_. He lifts his head up and struts towards the door, but quickly runs back in his room, turning off the music.

"Oh yeah, this works." he grinned, pointing as his mirror. "'Eeeeeeeeeeey!'"

He decided to redo his whole entrance skit, playing the Scorpions as before, but just as he reached the door...

"**HI!**"

The door had blasted open, with Fefnir and Leviathan standing outside. Harpuia was nowhere to be seen.

"Harpuia? Harpuia? He's not here." a confused Fefnir observed.

"Figures," replied Leviathan. "With the reward money I'm sure he went to the bar or decided to buy some expensive action figures again."

Fefnir laughed. "It's a good thing that reward money was nothing compared to X-sama's trust fund."

Leviathan sighed as she leaned against the doorway. "I still can't believe I let you convince me to use _that _as our bail."

Fefnir had a smirk on his face. "Oh, I don't think he'll be using it anytime soon."

Leviathan just shook her head as she walked off. "Burger?" But she decided to whisper the word _'kong'_ afterwards.

Fefnir's head lowered. "Shut up." He decided to follow.

After the door closed, a loud thud could be heard on the floor. There lay Harpuia, sunshades cracked, clothes wrinkled, and with broken teeth all over.

"And thus, the suffering continues." he said in a bitter voice as he rose up. He then got an idea.

* * *

Fefnir and Leviathan came back with a bag of fast food, but to Fefnir's liking, it was _McDaddio's_ instead of the place he denied he ever went to work for.

"So, what'd you order?" a curious Levi asked.

"A big wac, large fries, and volt cola. You?"

"Salad, an extra large big wac, extra large fries with extra ketchup, spicy, and a diet cola." Levi responded.

They passed by a long haired, unshaven reploid with sunshades on the way to their apartment, wearing little more than a hawaiian shirt, short jeans, and sandals, but with green marks on his face.

Levi's eyes lowered. "That guy was kinda pretty."

Fefnir shrugged. "I could take him."

The reploid who was now behind them had a huge smile on his face. _'Just add a wig and draw some more hair on your face and your siblings won't even recognize you! Booyah.'_

_

* * *

_

Fef and Levi entered the apartment.

"Sagiee, we're home! Fefnir used X-sama's trust fund to bail us out. We got some food, but didn't know what to get you. So yeah, sorry about that."

Fefnir nudged his little sister. "What makes you think he'll be back five minutes after we come earlier?"

Levi shrugged. "Maybe he went out to do laundry?"

Fefnir didn't care anymore. "Whatever. I'm hungry!"

* * *

_I really doubt anyone ever imagined the guardians like this when they first played MMZ1. Well, Harpuia gets a well needed vacation. Or does he? Tune in next week._


	7. Vacation Time

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 7: Vacation Time**

Everyone belongs to Capcom

* * *

We find Sage at the beach, still in his disguise as he's windsurfing. He seems to be enjoying himself, but not as much as a normal person would. Either he found his life too depressing or he just didn't get a thrill of things like everyone else. 

Or perhaps he was more concerned with seeing someone he knew. What if Levi and Fefnir coincidentally went to the beach only to run into each other? It wouldn't be the first time. The grocery store, the post office, the hospital, the bar, the bowling alley, and even the shoe store.

Maybe Sage should've been paying attention to his windsurfing. He had been upside down and underwater for a good minute or two. Luckily for him, reploids don't drown.

He decided to just go on shore, relax and probably read a paper. He only hoped some kids wouldn't bury him in sand if he took a nap again.

After setting up, Harpuia just sat in the shade, taking off his shades to wipe them against the towel. He almost leaped in paranoia when the reploid next to him spoke.

"I suppose I'm not the only one who had to disguise himself to sneak out." spoke the stranger.

Harpuia fell in disbelief. The stranger next to him was also wearing shades, no armor, and was wearing a t-shirt and shorts, and really long blonde hair. It was none other than the resistance reploid himself, Zero.

"I'm not even going to ask what you're doing here." replied a disillusioned Harpuia.

* * *

Earlier at the resistance base. Ciel was hoping to get Zero to run an errand for her. 

Ciel broke into Zero's room, waking him up. "Zero! Zero-chan! I need your help again."

Zero thought his nightmare was bad, but waking up to Ciel was worse. "Five more minutes."

Ciel sighed in frustration. "ZERO!"

Zero crashed out of bed, wondering why he never just wrapped Ciel in a bag and delivered her to Neo Arcadia.

Ciel just gave Zero that puppydog eye look every time she wanted him to go on a mission. Zero noticed this look and just wanted to crawl under the bed.

"I need you to help transport an incoming delivery. 40 crates of food, weapons and supplies."

Zero flipped up, landing on his feet. "Get the resistance helpers ready and I'll be on my way."

Ciel looked down. "I'm afraid they won't be assisting you today, Zero."

Zero's jaw almost hit the floor. He had to go from point A to point B, carry a crate which probably weighed half a ton back to point A, and repeat. That, and probably having to deal with the random enemies that appeared for no reason. No freaking way.

He saw the taser Ciel was holding behind her back. He remembered the last time he said no, she held it up to his neck, begging him to help with even more of a 'pwease?' look on her face. But he got an idea.

"Fine. Let me get changed and I'll be ready shortly."

Ciel just waited there.

Zero cleared his throat. "Privacy? _Hello?_" He motioned his hand, pretty much saying _'shoo'_.

She let out a sigh and left the room. She forgot that some male reploids are sensitive about privacy. After all, Zero wasn't a human. But then again, his new body was more human like, even on the outside. Or maybe she was a bit of a pervert herself.

Just as the door closed, Zero had used all the things in the room to block the doorway, even jamming the security lock. That is, with the exception of a surfboard, his clothes, and his sword, which he decided to take along just in case.

Ciel wandered around outside his room, noticing some of the noise in the ventalation pipe above her.

"We really need to get those cats out of there."

* * *

Zero took a huge sip of his drink with a smug expression on his face. 

"The ventalation system? I thought you said you needed a disguise to escape." said Harpuia, reading an article on reploid cloning.

"When she realized I escaped, she sent everyone out to look for the red-armored reploid, not one who wasn't wearing his armor and let his hair out with a surfboard at hand." Zero said with a thumbs up.

"Incredible, we remove our armor and no one recognizes us." Harpuia replied, shoving more whiskey down his throat. He would've shared a toast with Zero, if he didn't hate him so much. Then again, Ciel was very similar to Leviathan, so he could sympathize a bit with Zero's torture.

* * *

Meanwhile, at the apartment, Fefnir and Leviathan were digging around Harpuia's room, which had clothes in all sorts of places. 

"Why are some of my clothes in his closet?" Levi asked, holding up some of her clothes.

"Did it ever occur to you that maybe he took the _'sounds like a girl'_ thing out of hand?" asked Fefnir.

Leviathan gave Fefnir an evil eye. "It occured to me that someone switched our clothes at the laundry on purpose!"

Fefnir just looked at the ceiling with a sheepish grin on his face.

"I can't believe how retro Harpuia is." Fefnir said, looking at the various decorations in Harpuia's room, as well as his music collection. His attention turned towards the huge tiki statue near the window.

"I remember these things. These things used to blow fire out of its mouth. Too bad Harpuia couldn't get his hands on a real one. That would be too cool."

Fefnir looked closely at the statue's mouth, only to find himself more fried than chicken.

"You're thinking about the miniature on Harpuia's dresser, moron." Leviathan said with no expression on her face. It reminded her of that one time he put his face up to a tank.

* * *

Meanwhile, Zero joined a volleyball game. He got a little nervous as all sorts of women were hitting on him. Harpuia had noticed and grumbled. 

_'No, instead of being created from scratch, you had to be made out of X-sama's DNA. Instead of your creator going nuts with your designs and making you look more badass than everyone in existence, you had to be the green lord of the sky, the one with the bizarre hairstyle, and the guy with the girlish voice.'_

He reminded himself why he hated Zero again.

He then wondered. _'What if there was something to do about this mohawk? After all, Zero did have long blonde hair that people normally would confuse for a cape every now and then.'_ He then reminded himself about the hairs of his siblings. Leviathan had her short blue hair, Fefnir was bald, and Phantom had the long black hair that made him look even more badass.

Sage Harpuia with a makeover? It was a crazy idea, perhaps crazy enough to work. Well, with the hair, anyway. Instead of an embarrassing mohawk, maybe he could have something more natural. Of course, he'd have to ditch the wig, but it didn't matter. Many more advantages. It wouldn't be embarrassing to go out without his helmet and he wouldn't have to wear a wig. That, and his siblings wouldn't recognize him in public.

* * *

Harpuia found himself at the hair salon about a mile away from the beach. 

"So, what can we do for you today?" the hairstylist asked.

"Change this." Harpuia said, slightly lifting his wig.

Zero himself almost heard the scream. He just shrugged and served.

"Yeah, now hurry up before everyone else sees." Harpuia grumbled.

"This will be my greatest challenge." the hairstylist whined. If Harpuia didn't know any better she looked like she wanted to throw herself into a volcano and sacrifice herself.

* * *

"If I didn't know any better I'd think Harpuia was older than Zero." Fefnir snickered, wearing an old shirt that said, _'The World Domination Rock Tour'_ Meanwhile, Leviathan giggled, wearing a shirt that said,_ 'Woodstock 2101'_ over her own clothes. 

They decided to wear his clothes around the apartment, which changed every five to ten minutes. Later, Fefnir wore an old Gundam shirt, while Leviathan wore a shirt with Qbert swearing on it.

Fefnir finally decided to break the silence. "I wonder why we never see him in these clothes."

Levi wandered around in circles. "Probably because these are older than what we can remember."

If Sage wasn't going to have fun in these clothes, they decided they might instead.

* * *

"This is genius." Harpuia replied, looking at his hair. What was once a really long dark blonde mohawk was now short hair reaching to his neck, some of it covering the sides of his face. He was almost psyched, but it was like he was programmed never to show such expression. "So, how much?" 

The girl gave him a check. _'I guess it's my turn to take some money out of X-sama's trust fund.' _Sage thought to himself.

* * *

It was like the apartment over again. Sage was holding a stereo, blasting _The Scorpions' Rock You Like a Hurricane_. The whole beach seemed to turn their heads, even Zero. They had all recognized the shrewd guardian. Well, thanks to the green face patterns and the green clothes. He was strutting around like the pro he was... 

At least, that's the entrance Sage had hoped for.

He just walked onto the beach like any other person would. Luckily, the spot he had before hadn't been taken. He decided to return.

After laying down and staring at the sun for some time, an exhausted volleyball player came back, surprised at the new guest.

"Um, I hope you know the guy sitting there isn't going to be too happy to see you in his spot." Zero said, not even looking at him.

Sage laughed, almost turning Zero white.

"Harpuia? Is that? But...!" Zero was surprised. Harpuia was without his helmet or a wig and looked... normal. "Holy crap, man."

Sage merely lifted his sunglasses off his face. "So, you like the new look, eh?"

Zero's pupils were just as small as a ball-point pen. "So you _are _a guy!"

Sage just blinked for a couple of seconds, before erupting like a volcano. "Of course I'm a guy!"

* * *

Meanwhile, a huge group of reploids, led by a human girl, arrived on the beach. The girl held up some binoculars. "That's gotta be him!"

* * *

Zero was running for his life. "I'm sorry! I didn't know! I forgot! Seriously!" 

Sage was chasing Zero with his own sword. "That's not funny, Zero! Get back here so I can kick your shiny red and metal ass!"

Zero nearly tripped over some sand, but picked himself up. "My ass isn't red! That's just my armor!" Of course, since Zero was wearing swimming trunks, you couldn't tell from here.

Sage was still fuming, swinging Zero's sword madly. "It will be when I'm through with you!"

Suddenly, an angry female moved in front of Zero. "ZERO!"

Zero froze dead. Harpuia was still approaching from behind.

"Good boy! Now prepare to feel my wra-"

Before Harpuia could slice Zero in half, Ciel grabbed his throat. "This is between _me _and _him_. STAY OUT OF IT!"

Harpuia was completely dumbfounded by Ciel's fiery eyes. He just dropped the sword. In an instant, Zero picked it back up and ran away from both Ciel and Harpuia. Ciel immediately gave chase while Sage just watched the two run into the sunset.

"Zero! I can't believe you lied to me!" Ciel was yelling.

"You didn't get like this when I lied to you about that one girl kissing me!" Zero yelled, still running.

"You lied about that? You cheated on me! I'm going to kill you!"

"Cheated on you? We're not even going out, Ciel!"

"Get back here so I can put you back to work for minimum wage!"

"No!"

"I'm going to take you apart and make you into my new reploid manslave!"

"I have a weapon and I'm not afraid to use it!"

"Zero!"

By then they were gone. Cerveau just laid where Zero once was, noticing Harpuia's new look as he himself returned to his position. Sage noticed.

"If you say anything about me being a girl, I'm going to kill you."

"No, no. I actually think the look is rather fitting." Cerveau popped open a champagne. "Care for some?"

If Harpuia was programmed with emotion, his eyes might have beaded up. "Gladly."

"I think some of the girls over there also like your new look." Cerveau noticed, nudging Harpuia to get up. Sage finished his drink and looked up, and sure enough, about eight girls playing volleyball were waving at him. He nearly fainted, if Cerveau hadn't done something completely unexpected.

He had picked up Harpuia and tossed him like a basketball in the girl's direction. Lucky for Harp, he flipped over and landed on his feet.

"Um, hi."

Cerveau observed the ocean as the sun was near departure. Night was coming. Behind him, sounds of gagging and Harpuia begging for breath could be heard.

"Now that I've got Harpuia hooked up, Andrew owes me 100 crystals. _Ha cha cha cha!_"

* * *

_No freaking way. A happy ending for Sage Harpuia? Perhaps, at least, until he returns to the apartment. What surprises will Fefnir and Levi have for him? What about jury duty? Will Harp have to go to court? Will Zero continue to interfere? Will Sage's new hairstyle let everyone know he's a male? Tune in next chapter._  



	8. Green Insanity

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 8: Green Insanity**

Capcom owns everyone.

_Like to take this moment to extend my thanks to all the reviewers who love this story. Rioni Riishu (and for the manga. Love to see more!), Isilhen Daegol, Demented-Demon, Crystal Ketchum Darklight, JimmyDragon, Archaon, Youshou Leviathan, Copy X, darkflame, SSj7Cloud, Ri2, myrmidon, zidet, Khaos Xero, Delta X, Featherdust, and all anonymous reviewers, and even those who like this story but haven't reviewed._

_I honestly had no idea that the fic would gain this much praise. Then again, as I said before, I wanted to see a story like this, so what better way than to do it yourself? So everyone's happy._

_If anyone else wants to do any kind of fanart for this, be sure to give me a head's up! The support's always nice._

_

* * *

_

Harpuia returned to his apartment late that night, hoping he wouldn't be seen by his bratty sister and annoying brother. Today had been an awesome day. New haircut, fan girls, got to see Zero chased off by Ciel, enjoyed a few good drinks that night. He tried his best to tip toe through the area, when suddenly:

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SAGE HARPUIA!"

The sudden explosion of noise and light nearly sent him flying off the balcony. Sure enough, it was Levi and Fefnir, wearing typical birthday caps, balloons surrounding the room, and wearing his clothes? The three just stared at each other.

"Oh wait, you're not Harpuia." an embarrassed Fefnir said, noticing the stranger's new look, before turning to his little sister. "You mean I made this cake for nothing? Damn!"

In his hands was a birthday cake that look like it had been in and out of the oven fifteen times. Also, there was a huge finger dip that took off the 'P' on the cake. That, and the name wasn't even spelled right, _"HAPIUA"_

Sage tilted his head and lowered one of his eyes. "What in the world are you two doing wearing _my _clothes?" he asked with a bitter expression in his voice.

"Harpuia? Is that? Oh man." Fefnir said, nearly turning white and falling from shock.

"So after 24 years, you finally get a new hairdo." Leviathan said, crossing her arms. "And why are you wearing red makeup all over your face?"

Sage was almost caught off guard. "Red makeup? It's not makeup, it's- oh wait, it's ketchup. Rib night at the steakhouse." In reality it was some lipstick from the beach and bar. He quickly made a run for his room, only to fall on his back, Leviathan holding his collar with beady puppydog eyes.

She tried to speak as innocent as she could. "We wanted to celebrate your birthday, Harpuia. Fefnir and I made you this cake. And..."

Both Fefnir and Leviathan looked in shock as Sage just took the cake and ate the entire thing in one gulp, before letting out a huge belch. As the two stood there, dumbfounded expressions on both, Sage went to his room.

"Oh, by the way, my birthday's not for another five months, but thanks for the cake. 'night." And with that, the green guardian shut his door, loud snoring heard a second later.

Fefnir finally moved his jaw. "Well, someone's in a good mood."

Leviathan followed. "Yeah, but I told you it wasn't his birthday."

Fefnir moved his head towards her. "No, you didn't."

* * *

Sage woke up early that morning, making himself steak and eggs. Leviathan and Fefnir tiptoed their way into the kitchen, observing Harpuia's behavior, who was whistling a tune from a really really old arcade game. Both Fefnir and Levi had their eyes wide open, whispering to each other. 

Fefnir started out. "Is it me or is Harpuia, dare I say it, happy?"

Levi whispered back. "Yeah, and it's freaking me out."

They both sweatdropped as Harpuia shook his shoulders to his tune, and both slowly stepped out of the kitchen.

* * *

Later, Sage found himself flipping through the channels again. Again, the two just spied on him from behind. As usual, Sage was munching some chips and actually dumped the entire bag in his mouth and ate it all in one gulp. Before they could move, Sage finally spoke out loud, scaring them. 

"You guys okay? You've been acting... weird. Well, more weird than usual." Harpuia said, offering them some chips.

Fefnir took one and ate it rather quickly. "Uh, same could be said for you."

Levi hit him with a lamp. "Yeah, you're uh... rather... happy lately." Levi spoke with her beady eyes, almost scared.

"Well, this groovy new haircut's awesome. No one thinks I'm a girl anymore, except for that moron Zero, and you should've seen all the numbers I got last night." he spoke.

Leviathan sweatdropped. "_Groovy?_"

Fefnir almost lighted up. "Numbers? How?"

"Harp's got the mad skillz, brotha." Harp joked.

Fefnir fainted, while Leviathan's face turned white. "Oh God, now he's trying to speak hip."

"Word." Harp laughed.

She too fainted.

* * *

At the resistance base, Zero was making repairs to his helmet from the previous day. Apparently, Ciel had somehow managed to throw a car on him. No one knew how, but they all knew why. Ciel didn't recall the incident ever happening, so he blasted his headphones so he wouldn't hear the whining and desperate apologetic human blonde outside his door, which was still blocked by just about everything in his room. 

"And that's about it." Zero claimed, hugging his fixed helmet. "Now I can just block out any audio just by touching here, and _voila_, no more noise!" He was extremely tempted to try it out.

Ciel was crying outside his room. "I'm telling you Zero, it's impossible for a girl my size and age to be able to physically lift up a car and toss it on you! I'm so sorry! Please please please please please please please..."

As she went on, a rather smug red reploid came out of his room. He looked at her for one second, seeing her mouth move, but nothing was heard.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

He heard none of it. His modification was a success! Now he could do all the stuff he wanted.

He went to get himself a soda.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

He went to read a book.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

He took a nap on the top bunk of his bed, Ciel laying down on the lower one.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

He cooked a marshmellow on the heater.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

He invaded Ciel's room and read her diary, sipping some apple juice.

_"Please please please please please please..."_

But everyone had started to give Zero an annoyed look. Ciel was still following him, so he didn't bother. Suddenly, a vase shattered on his head, damaging his helmet. Ciel was still going on.

**"All right! I forgive you! I was better already!" **Zero screamed.

Ciel's eyes lit up. "Oh Zero, you're too sweet!" and she followed with a hug, Zero's bones crunching could be heard by everyone.

He noticed the two operators, Ms. Joan and Ms. Rouge _(their real names, surprise)_, were standing outside the command room, heat coming from their heads.

"Mr. Zero, we've been trying to call you for the last _two hours_."

"You have a transmission waiting, you insensitive jerk."

Zero almost turned blue from embarrassment. "Hehehehe... oops."

* * *

Zero stood in the center of the command room, trying to pop his back and neck back into place. The operators were typing, and gave Zero an aggravated look. 

"Please leave the inventions to Mr. Cerveau and Ms. Ciel, Zero."

"It's really not nice to ignore people who need you for two hours, Mr. Zero."

Zero sighed. "But I had... never mind. Just roll the tape."

He looked at the screen, not surprised to see who was calling. Leviathan and Fefnir, both crying.

"Zero, you gotta help us!" Fefnir frantically cried.

"It's Sage, he's... he's...happy!" Levi finished, and turned their camera to Harpuia.

Harpuia had been cooking, wearing a cowboy hat, an apron with the phrase, _'Hippie Deathmarch Appreciation Week 2109_', whistling the same tune as before, and making... pancakes?

Sage just turned to the camera. "Are you guys making home movies?"

Fefnir and Leviathan cried more into the camera as the batteries went dead.

Zero's expression and stance was the exact same as before.

"Freeze frame at 21:12, and get everyone in here."

In a few minutes, all the resistance members were in the room, looking at the stillshot of Harpuia cooking, winking at the camera. Zero couldn't hold it in any longer, laughing so hard he found himself choking and on the floor, giving himself a headache. Unfortunately, he realized he was the only one laughing when everyone had left the room, even the operators. Someone even took the time to write _"Legendary Dork"_ on his head.

"I swear, the whole world's against me." he said, standing up and patting the dirt off his shoulder.

* * *

Fefnir was in his room listening to an audio tape, a How-To on dates and girlfriends. Harpuia's dates seemed to be a daily thing, and it drove him mad. Meanwhile, Leviathan had nightmares of Harpuia's crazy-looking smile every night, and they knew something had to be done. 

Harpuia opened the door. "I'm baaaaack!"

Leviathan reluctantly opened her door. "How... was it?" she asked with no excitement for her brother.

"You'll find this hilarious." Harpuia said, taking off his jacket and putting it on the couch. "Okay, she's been married three times, and all those ended in divorce because she tried to kill all her husbands, yet she never got arrested. Funniest thing? They're not even human or reploids. All imaginary."

Leviathan just stared at Harpuia. _'He's lost it.' _she thought. She knew she had to stop this somehow, but couldn't think of anything good. "Um, Harpuia, did you ever consider getting a job since you moved here?"

He laughed. "Are you kidding? You remember the last time I tried to get a job."

* * *

Flashback. Harpuia's sitting on a chair while a man on a desk reads his resume. 

"Mr. Sage Harpuia. Yes, former guardian of Mega Man X, who was killed by extremists."

"Yeah, about that, he kinda fired all of us, and _then _he got killed."

"And why did you get fired?"

"Because Weil was a friggin dick."

"Oh. Well, Mr. Harpuia, your resume says that you've been sued by animal rights activists seven times in the last five days, it says that you control the winds, which have created a slew of complaints from people trying to work on their lawns, and knocking satellites off peoples' houses, temporarily disabling cable TV."

Harpuia turned pink, forgetting all that he's done.

"Mr. Harpuia, you do realize that taking cable TV from people is the greatest crime ever, do you not?"

Harp's eyes widened in surprise. "Um, it is?"

"You're not hired. Have a nice day."

* * *

Harpuia laughed at the memory. "It's not as bad as me getting a date before this haircut. You remember that too, don't you?"

* * *

Flashback 2: Harpuia's sitting across the table from a small brunette reploid with glasses. 

"So, what do you do?" she asked, telling herself it was a stupid question.

"Used to serve Master X, but some assclown named Weil somehow managed to manipulate him and make him think we were the bad guys, so he fired us, and just as he fires his _GUARDIANS_, he dies. So right now, well, I don't know. So what do you do?"

"I work two jobs, one at a library, and one at a pet shop." she said shyly.

"Oh, fun." he said, void of any kind of excitement.

Suddenly, Harpuia found a load of mashed potatoes on his neck.

"Hey, check it out, man. You got fired! Ha ha hah!"

Sage turned around, eyes flaming. The reploid who threw the potatoes was waving his rear at Harp, clearly taunting him. "You got fired because you suck! Think you can hit me? Take your best shot!"

Without thinking, Harpuia just picked up the object next to him, a chair. An occupied chair. Without even looking what it was, he tossed the chair and hit the reploid straight on his huge rear, causing laughter throughout the restaurant. Harpuia got back in his seat and turned around.

"So, now that that's taken care of, you like showtunes? Uh..."

He noticed his date was gone. Well, her whole chair was gone. He sheepishly looked to his side, finding her next to him, broken glasses, stained outfit, and messed up hair.

Glass shattered as Harp's body was tossed out of the restaurant.

* * *

Leviathan wasn't even in front of him anymore. She had gone to cook a burrito. Suddenly, she remembered the mail call the other day. 

"Um, Harpuia? Did you call to see if you have jury duty yet?" she asked, staring the microwave.

"What jury duty?" he asked with a puzzled face.

"Don't you remember? You got a letter for jury duty a week ago. It said to call in a week to verify if you have to go to the trial."

Harpuia dived into the couch, finding the letter and calling the number on his cell phone.

Leviathan leaned over the couch to find a disgruntled Harpuia slouching on it.

"So what time?" she asked.

"Eight in the morning. The trial is about some online predator, literally. This guy found out a way to get onto the internet and pop out of people's monitors and kidnap them and trap them in some computer program."

"Have fun." Leviathan said, letting out a 10-second long belch as she walked to her room.

"I swear, the whole world's against me." Harpuia grumbled. He sucked down two bottles of whiskey as he turned on the TV.

_"Today on "Kids say the Damndest Things', 'My mommie told me my daddie put his head up his bootie!" -click-_

_"Redneck Reploids go on a rampage as-" -click-_

_"Oh my God, they killed Zero! Again! Next time on the Wacky Adventures of Axl." -click-_

_"Thousands of years ago before the dinosaur evolved into the cow-" -click-_

_"Your singing is crap. I've heard better singing on 'An Action Film Stars' Christmas'." -click-_

_"I like chicks with big ole...big ole... hair." -click-_

_"What's the worst that can happen? The resistance reploid Zero going on another huge adventure and the guardians not getting involved?" -click-_

_"I'm Dr. Cornelius Weil. Do you want to earn money for your vehicle? Well too bad!" -click-_

Harpuia sighed as the doorbell went off.

He answered the door to a delivery boy. "Uh, hi. I was told to give this to someone named Sage Harpuia." He gave Harpuia a pizza, with all the pepperonis forming a smiley face, opposite of Harpuia's current face. "And this."

It was a bouquet of roses. Harpuia looked puzzled. There was a note attached to it. _"To my favorite green chica."_

The delivey boy yelled as he was thrown off the balcony. "Don't kill the messenger!"

* * *

Meanwhile... 

"Hey Zero, you think it worked?"

"Yup."

_

* * *

Well, that's it for this chapter. I have finals! Boo! So expect the next chapter a week from now at least._


	9. Beginning of the End

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 9: Beginning of the End**

_Capcom owns everyone. I just got the idea for the story._

_Muy thanks for the support again! Now that I've played MMZ4, I may make things lean into some kind of prelude, since this does take place after MMZ3. Maybe, maybe not. Nine chapters already. Dang._

_

* * *

_

It's late in the month and all three are bored to death. Harpuia got stuck with trying to do the taxes, since Leviathan's not good at math, and when Fefnir tried to fill them out, they somehow ordered a tank. Leviathan's got a restraining order by Zero after she snuck into the resistance base and put purple knockout gas throughout the base, kidnapping Zero and chaining him to the wall, only to find out it was the remains of Omega that the resistance took for testing. Zero had actually snuck out to camp right outside that night, but was too lazy to do anything about it. Lastly, Fefnir can't find the remote and there's nothing good on TV. We join the trio in the living room.

"I can't believe we've been here for four months already." Leviathan yawned as she sucked down some root beer.

Harpuia was snoring loudly under his blanket. "Life's been dull since we were kicked out of the capital. What, do you want to move in with Zero? Don't answer that."

Not paying attention to Harpuia, Leviathan was about to, but noticed the tracking device on her leg, reminding her that she had a restraining order anyway, for a few more days. "Well, you didn't have to put it that way, but is this how we're going to spend the rest of our lives?"

Fefnir lifted Harpuia and the couch up with one hand, looking for the remote, and then dropped everything with no regard to his brother. "We were lucky to get this apartment. Remember all the excuses we got when we tried elsewhere?"

Leviathan sighed. _"I'm sorry, but your type is not accepted here."_

Harpuia turned his head on his pillow. _"We have gotten complaints about you three."_

Fefnir rolled his eyes. _"The new ruler of Neo Arcadia doesn't want you to live 20 miles near the capital."_

All three had slouched. "This sucks."

Just on cue, the doorbell rang. Fefnir decided to get the door, only to be surprised.

"Zero?"

"Fear my wrath, Neo Arca-"

Before 'Zero' could finish, Fefnir held him by the neck. "I've been waiting far too long for this moment! Zero, this time your ass is mine!" His eyes widened as the red reploid in front of him started crying, shook free of his grip and ran off. He looked behind him, but Leviathan and Harpuia weren't paying attention. He just shrugged and went back inside.

The doorbell rang again five minutes later, and Leviathan decided to get it since Fefnir was fighting a boss on his game, and Harpuia was too lazy to even acknowledge the doorbell.

"Zero?"

"Um, what was I supposed to say again? Oh yeah, I'm going to take you on!"

Levi instantly pulled out her scythe with stars in her eyes. "You came to fight me? That's so sweet! Now die." Again, she was surprised when 'Zero' cried and ran off. She looked behind to see if Harpuia and Fefnir noticed anything, but they didn't. She just shrugged and closed the door.

About ten minutes later, the doorbell rang again. This time, Fefnir had his game off and Leviathan was brushing her teeth, in other words they both weren't occupied enough not to notice it, so they both raced towards the door. Noticing each other's intentions, they decided to open it at the same time.

"Phantom?"

Whoever this Phantom was, he began speaking Japanese. Really bad japanese. Instantly, he cried for his life.

"Phantom! You're alive! Again!" Leviathan cried, squeezing the breath out of him.

"Phantom! Buddy! How ya doin?" Fefnir cried, happy as ever, giving him a noogie.

Again, the person at the door started crying and ran away.

Fefnir was more confused than usual, which is saying a lot. "What gives?"

Leviathan sighed. "First it's Zero, and now Phantom. Has everybody lost it?"

Noticing each other's words, they slowly turned their heads to the one sleeping on the couch. Still asleep, snoring.

Leviathan looked back at Fefnir. "He doesn't count."

* * *

This had gone on all night. Leviathan and Fefnir took turns opening the door to someone they knew, only to scare them away. Zero, Ciel, Phantom, Elpizo, Weil, Copy X, Cerveau, themselves, their armies, and just about everyone except Harpuia.

At this point, both were so confused that Fefnir tried to walk on the walls, falling on his back, and Leviathan started eating slices of cheese, counting each one.

"76..."

"Ow."

"77..."

"Ow."

"78..."

"Ow."

"79..."

Steam started to come out of the ears of the only reploid in the room who hadn't lost it. "Will you two _shut up?"_

Unfortunately, neither were listening.

"80..."

"Ow."

"81..."

"Ow."

Harpuia sighed, and when the next doorbell went off, he noticed the other two had crumpled into a corner with scared looks on their faces. Harp just rolled his eyes. "Um, did you forget it was Halloween AGAIN?" He threw the newspaper at them, and they looked at the date. _October 31._

He opened the door, and just as before, his eyes widened. "Now this is just too much..."

In front of Harpuia stood another Harpuia, but there were a lot of noticable differences. First, this Harpuia had a bigger chest, a curvy figure, makeup and lipstick. Everything looked like it was forced and exaggerated intentionally. "Trick or treat!"

Harpuia sweatdropped, recognizing the voice. "Zero, I am going to kill you."

Zero had pulled off his Harpuia mask. "Oh man, why did _you_ have to answer the door? You're the only one that remembers when it's Hallowe-" He stopped, noticing that Harpuia was fuming.

A girl's voice could be heard outside. "Zero-chan! Come on! I want to get as much candy as possible! Candy candy candy!"

Ciel had actually saved Zero, who was slowly trying to make his escape. "Heh... uh, gotta go!"

Sage wouldn't give Zero the satisfaction, charging at him before he could move. Good thing Zero has some good reflexes, crouching so Harpuia would charge straight off the balcony. He let out a relieved sigh as his plan worked, only for a finger to poke his shoulder.

"Um, Zero, you forgot I can fly." Harpuia said, weapons in hand. Unfortunately for Zero, he forgot to arm himself tonight.

Fefnir and Leviathan sighed as they gained back their sanity, while Harpuia was chasing Zero back and forth outside, blasting lightning bolts everywhere.

"Zero! This is getting old!"

"No candy for you, Harpuia!" Zero cried.

Leviathan's eyes lit up. "Oh! I know what's on TV!" She rushed to grab the remote and turned on the TV.

_"We now return to a Robot Master Halloween."_

Both Leviathan and Fefnir cheered, Zero still screaming for his life as Harpuia had created a thunderstorm. Suddenly, Harpuia came crashing into the room.

Ciel, dressed up as Dracula, stood in the doorway with a taser in each of her hands. "No stealing candy, Harpuia! That's not very nice!" She then brought a cooler in the room and dumped all the ice on Harpuia, who screamed for breath afterwards. Both Levi and Fef were too busy watching their favorite halloween special.

* * *

Next morning, Levi and Fef woke up cold, noticing their blankets were gone. They both heard the TV in the living room, and sure enough, Harpuia wrapped himself up like an eskimo.

Fefnir had to start things out. "What are you doing?"

Harpuia sneezed, blowing his nose on some Kleenex, and giving it to Fefnir. "Stupid Ciel gave me a cold. I told you it was a good thing we never joined them. -_ACHOO_-"

Leviathan laughed. "Harpuia actually got schooled by a girl?" After that she let out a malicious laugh.

Fefnir eyed her. "Um, you never laugh at me when the same thing happens."

Leviathan glared at him. "Because it's always _me _doing it!"

Harpuia then sneezed on both of them, both of them freaking out. "My bad. My brain was, uh, sleeping." He certainly wasn't sincere in his tone.

* * *

Three hours later, all three were wrapped in blankets, fighting over the Kleenex, and whoever had to go out and get the E-Crystals to cure each of them. They were all too lazy and sick.

Leviathan coughed. "Harpuia, why are you so mean?"

Harpuia sneezed. "Because I'm stuck in a lowlife apartment and can never get any peace and quiet. Like now."

Fefnir stole the tissues from Levi, "Yeah, life is less exciting, but look on the bright side..."

Levi and Sage waited a good twenty seconds.

"Aw hell, I got nothing. Life was good at Neo Arcadia until that Weil bastard came in. Got free food, good food at that, and I was the most feared general out of all of us!" Fefnir finished.

Levi glared at him. "Are you kidding? I was!"

Fefnir retaliated. "No, it was me!"

Harpuia lowered his head as the two argued over and over. "Life is hell. Doesn't sound like much until you experience it." he sighed. Suddenly, an ad appeared on TV with a female voice.

"Are you a reploid with the common cold?" the voice asked.

"Yes." all three said in unison.

"Then I have just the thing for you! Featuring new Ciel System Cough Drops!"

All three hung their heads. "Ciel!"

Before the ad could continue, Sage turned off the TV, remembering it was her who gave him the cold to begin with. "Well, so much for that."

Much to his dismay, he found the others arguing again. He sighed and got up, almost too quickly that he got dizzy, and headed towards the door. "I'll get the crystals. Be back soon. Maybe. Well, I'll be back. Maybe."

* * *

A half hour later, Harpuia came back feeling and looking perfect. To his surprise, so were Fef and Levi.

Levi turned towards him, holding a can of root beer. "Hey Harpie, how did things go? Oh, we found the Cold E-Crystals in the medicine cabinet. Funny how we never looked there, huh?"

Harpuia shook his head as his little sister let out a huge belch. "By the way, Zero said hi."

She blinked a few times before turning around. "He... did?"

Harpuia started walking to his room. "No."

Levi steamed. "Harpie! That's not funny!" She then noticed he wasn't even paying attention to her. Suddenly, a piece of paper hit her head.

Harpuia came back into the room, slouching in his beanbag. "Found that on the door."

The apartment shook.

"Evicted? Why?" shouted Levi.

Sage crossed his arms behind his head. "Because some other people didn't pay rent in the last two months, like it says on there." He glared at both Levi and Fef, Levi with a sheepish grin. He continued, "We've got two days."

Fefnir overheard and almost started freaking out. "Holy crap on a pogo stick, you guys! Where are we going to live? I know, we'll live in the caves as the primitive cavemen! We can life live without the technology that plagues us!"

Leviathan managed to throw a frying pan at him, interrupting him. "Um, Fefnir, we _are _technology. _Hello?"_

Fefnir wore the pan as a hat. "We can live under the sea! We'll live life in the jungle, and I'll be known as _'Fefnir of the Apes!'_"

Harpuia barely leaned his head upward. "That's no different from what you're known as now." He then laid it back down.

Fefnir still was full of ideas. "We'll travel the seven seas as Vikings! Or no, better, _we'll travel around the world, from London to LA, it's Fefnir Go fefnir here's Fefnir_-"

Leviathan threw another frying pan at him. "Fefnir, brother dear, remember that you're not allowed to sing or rap? Court order, moron."

A frustrated Harpuia crossed his legs. "Bah, let them kick us out. We haven't been much good since we got retired. It was all about being X-sama's proud servants and ridding the world of extremists. Now look at us, we're stuck in a lame apartment with no job driving each other crazy. And now we're evicted from a place that was near impossible to find."

One of those urgent news alerts turned on, and the attention of all three turned there.

_"Citizens of Neo Arcadia! I am Dr. Cornelius Ambrigilius Oogleboogleilius Weil."_

Harpuia hated the TV more than ever. "Whoop dee shit."

_"We have completed our new plans in energy sourcing and high gas prices, including dealing with the extremists. The finalization process of this will take three weeks."_

At this point Levi was mocking the TV's words, making it look like her hand was talking.

_"I regret to inform you that I, as your ruler, will be absent during this time, as our activities will take us into outer space. Fear not, as my new numbers will be sure that no attacks on Neo Arcadia will occur."_

Fefnir and Levi decided to have a burping contest with root beer as Wiel went on, while Harpuia decided to make himself a few drinks. A dry martini, a bit of champagne; something to get his mind off of things. Then Weil finally concluded his speech.

_"Receiving word on several other resistance forces building up outside our capital, I will also take the security measure of banning the former guardians of Master X completely from Neo Arcadia, to avoid any kind of interference or threat they may pose."_

Harpuia turned off the TV. "Well, great, Weil's forcing us completely out. Now what?" He glared at Fefnir. "If you say something I'm going to kick your ass."

Fefnir twidled his fingers innocently, wanting so much to speak.

Leviathan let out an 8 second belch before answering. "Well, this just sucks. First it was being banned from _just_ the Neo Arcadia Capital Core, and now it's the entire place! Now where are we supposed to live?"

* * *

The resistance was also watching Weil's message on the TV, mad gossip going on.

Zero was drinking juice from a bendy straw. "Ouch, that's harsh."

Ciel was standing next to him in her pajamas, a curling iron stuck sideways on her head. "Hmm. Maybe we should invite them over." She said with a sweet smile.

Zero was silent, then looked at the ceiling. "Oh, sure, let's invite them over for some tea. And while we're at it, let's invite Dr. Weil over so you can show him your plushie doll collection."

Ciel wasn't good at detecting sarcasm. "Um, Zero, is that okay?"

Zero continued. "Oh, of course! Let's also clone Omega five times and invite them over for a nice game of foosball! NO that's not okay! Just last night Harpuia tried to kill me, I've still got a restraining order on Leviathan, and Fefnir doesn't know the difference between poison needles and toothpicks! They still hate us, Ciel! Don't you remember when you and Leviathan almost killed each other when you took me into Cyberspace with you?"

"No."

"Well, ah forget it. Sure, invite them over, destroy the resistance base, whatever." Zero just went off into his room, frustrated.

He could never win an argument with Ciel unless it was him involved. He could just imagine the hell of living with the three guardians. No more pranks on Harpuia and getting away with it, as well as his constant bitter and depressed attitude that he was probably going to take out on everyone, the thought of going to sleep in his room and waking up in Leviathans, probably chained to the wall again, and Fefnir burning down the place because he got curious with the boiler room controls.

He could imagine it all now.

* * *

Meanwhile, the three had their things packed up, ready to leave.

"Farewell old apartment. May your presence be surrounded by mucho partying and vomit." Fefnir said, saluting the apartment.

Harpuia was a bit grossed out by the image. "Okay, really didn't need to hear that."

Leviathan had her arms crossed, "That, and you're not supposed to say goodbye to the house when you're still in it."

Suddenly, Harp's cell phone went off. "This had better be good."

_"We've got a few extra rooms you could stay in."_ the female voice on the other side said.

Harpuia's eyes widened. "Ciel? But... wait, what?"

_"Would you prefer to live in the desert?"_

Harpuia noticed Levi and Fef's heads against his, trying to listen in. Harp sighed. "Name your terms."

_"Nothing. Just come on over. Well, don't try to kill us. We're not bad people."_

"Weil said the same thing." replied Leviathan. "Well, then again, he said he was some hot mofo, which he really wasn't. Eww."

Fefnir raised his eyes. "So you're inviting _us_, former guardians of Master X, to live with _you_, the resistance?"

Harpuia covered his face. "Ugh, how depressing."

_"We don't have anything against you guys. Can we just get along? Pwease pwease pwease..."_

Ciel continued on the other end, all three reluctant to accept her offer. Suddenly, they heard a scream on the other end of the line.

_"Ciel! What have I told you about fixing my helmet with superglue? Ciel!"_

_"Sorry, Zero-chan!"_

The three looked at each other with sinister smiles.

"All right. We accept." they spoke in unison.

* * *

_Well, here's a new twist. Finals are just about done, and I have no idea what to do next, but I might have a few ideas. The three guardians living in the Resistance Base? You know that spells trouble. Tune in next time._


	10. Hellhole

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 10: Hellhole**

_Capcom owns everyone, except Alia Crimson and Brad. The story is MINE! Now the trio has to live with the Resistance with their favorite blonde-haired reploid, and not so-favorite blonde haired human!_

_

* * *

_Harpuia hated carrying the luggage. Again, he found himself in his powered up jet form, holding a ton of boxes with Fef and Levi on each of his wings. All three weren't exactly comfortable with the thought of moving into the Resistance Base, but being completely banned from Neo Arcadia, they didn't know where else to go.

Finally, Harpuia landed in front of the huge gate. Levi hopped off and rang the doorbell. The operators responded through the speaker system.

_"Who is it?"_ they both asked in unison.

"It's us." Levi responded.

_"Us who?"_

"Us us."

_"Us us who?"_

Harpuia yelled. "The guardians! Ciel invited us over!"

_"Ooooh. Opening the doors, then."_

The ground shook, knocking all the luggage off of Harpuia, who took the opportunity to resume default form and popped his back at least five times. Oddly enough, Fefnir was still asleep, until Harpuia threw a suitcase at his head, waking him up.

Two guard escorts led them inside.

* * *

Inside the base, Harpuia found himself covered with cats. If there was an animal Harpuia hated more than pigeons, it was cats. Both Levi and Fef were amazed that so many cats and plants surrounded the entire base. Everything else looked like ancient relics, at least in comparison to Neo Arcadia. The escort guards took their luggage.

A guard came before the three. "Ms. Ciel wishes to see you three in the command center. Follow me."

However, the guard led them into a huge empty room, the only thing visible is a soda machine near the door.

"Um, this is a soda machine." Levi said.

"Welcome to the command center. Please wait in the center of the room." he said, leaving.

All three shrugging, they all stood in the center of the empty dark room.

Suddenly, three huge metal boards came from behind them, and electrical rings came over their wrists and legs, strapping them onto the boards and turning them back, facing the ceiling. They couldn't move.

_"You made it!"_ squealed the voice of an excited young girl.

"Ciel! You...!" Harpuia mumbled.

_"Relax. There's just a few precautionary measures I need to take before you move in with us."_

Ciel finally came out of a dark corner of the room, alone, holding what looked like three wristbands.

"She's going to take advantage of us! Run!" yelled Fefnir, finally speaking and trying to shake free.

Harpuia rolled his eyes. "No she's not, you moron."

He paused for a brief second.

"Are you?"

Ciel laughed. "No, I'm just going to attach these to your legs."

Levi stared at her. "We're not even going to ask."

Ciel smiled. "Too bad! These are my new discipline and tracking bands. Basically, I put these on you, they stay on you, and tell us where you are in the base. Also, if you three start to misbehave, just with the touch of a button, somewhere in this base, you feel a nasty shock on your body."

Levi laughed. "Hah! Not all of us are effected by shocks!"

Ciel shook her head. "Which is why they all do different things. The green one freezes the body, the blue one burns the body, and the red one shocks the body. Guess which one belongs to who."

Harpuia slammed his head against the board. Ciel must have forced Zero to exploit their weaknesses. Harpuia hated Ice, Levi hated fire, and Fefnir hated electrical shocks. All three tried to shake free as Ciel placed the bands on their legs, which fit perfectly and clicked into place.

Ciel was feeling a bit evil inside. "Anyone care for a demonstration?"

That moment, Harpuia and Levi started freaking out, yelling _'NO'_ at least a hundred times. Fefnir had his mind elsewhere.

"Um, could you take this off and have that red-headed chick with the nice ass put it back on?" he asked, letting out a confident perverted smile.

"Demonstration it is!" shouted Ciel, sweatdropping, then snapping her fingers.

That instant, Fefnir's body was covered in electricity for a brief moment, screaming in pain the whole time. Smoke covered the room.

"Any questions?" Ciel asked.

"Am I going to die?" asked Fefnir, before burping and coughing out some smoke.

"Not yet." Ciel replied.

Then, the electrical rings holding the three in place disappeared, the boards going back into the floor, allowing Harp and Levi to get up. Fef fell onto the ground, shocked and confused to what just happened.

"You get the floor below Zero's room." Ciel replied, walking into the darkness. "You get the basement!"

Harpuia's mouth dropped to the floor. "The basement?" He could picture the basement now. A dirty unvisited wasteland probably filled with cats, bugs, and the noisy ice machine. Knowing his luck, he'd probably wind up in the room right next to it.

Ciel's voice echoed the dark room._ "We've got four rooms down there. Zero's on the first area of the basement, and you get the second area of the basement."_

"Fun." Leviathan snickered.

* * *

The three entered the second basement, to their surprise looked like the other floors on the resistance base. Harpuia looked pleasantly surprised. No cats here.

They found their bags in front of their rooms, which were properly labeled in a sense. In front of Leviathan's door was a kiddy sketch of her dragging Zero by his feet. In front of Harpuia's door was a sketch of him just looking angry and bitter. In front of Fefnir's door was a sketch of him running because he set himself on fire again.

"We're celebrities already." Fefnir said sarcastically.

By the time he said this, the other two had shut their doors. Fefnir shook his head and entered his room, except his door closed repeatedly on him as he was halfway through it, smashing him at least four times before he got through.

Upstairs, Zero was playing with a remote, laughing. "I'm so glad the security cameras caught that."

* * *

Later on, Leviathan, after taking a well-needed nap, decided to wander around the resistance base. She only hoped the resistance soldiers wouldn't get all giddly that another girl was in the place. Everyone seemed to be keeping themselves busy, on the lookout for any hostile forces and information gathering. She felt awkward here.

Suddenly, she noticed loud noise coming from nearby. At the end of the hall was a open room that had lights, loud music and TV. She decided to take a look.

Just as she peeked her head into the room, everything went silent and dark. Surprised, she went further into the room. Two steps, and the door slammed, making the room completely dark. The sound of the room went from silent to quick screaming, and in a few seconds, the room became active again.

Leviathan found herself hanging high in the room stuck in a net, while Zero was laying on his bed sipping some soda through a bendy straw, listening to some music blasting on his stereo. She wasn't surprised that Zero caught her in a net, but the look and feel of his room instead. Throughout his room were various model kits of planes, vehicles, and many many action figures, and more surprising, a lot of artwork. Disco lights surrounded the whole room. It gave everything an eerie crimson red feel. The only thing out of place was a tiny desk with some tools on it.

She freaked out when she saw a giant metallic skeleton next to her hanging from the ceiling, even though a price tag was clearly visible. Her attention then turned to the slurping of the red reploid chilling on his bed, which had a giant skull for a bedspread. Either Zero had the mindset of a teenager, which is kind of funny for a guy who is well over a hundred years old, or Ciel's various missions made him interested in death. Then again, the lyrics of the rock music playing in the room could have helped that.

"You really are a _very very_ predictable lady," said the blonde in the middle of the room, still slurping his drink.

Leviathan grunted, trying to break free from the net. "Do you intend to do this _every _time I come into your room?"

Zero just pulled out a magazine called _'THINGS THAT GO BOOM' _and started reading it, not looking at his hostage. "This happens to _everyone _who comes in my room without knocking."

Just on cue, footsteps nearby became louder, as another red armored reploid peeked his head into the room.

"Hey Leviathan, I'm lost. Where's the soda machine again? I'm thirs-" **_BONG_**

Fefnir was cut off as an anvil fell on his head, knocking him out. Leviathan just glared at Fef's unconsious body blankly as Zero turned the pages of his magazine acting like nothing ever happened.

Just then...

"Fefnir, did you steal my clothes again? I swear if I find coffee stains on my Skeletron shirt again I'm going to kick your aaaaaaaaaaaaa-!"

Harpuia found himself hanging by one leg tied on a rope, swinging him across the room. Sage just glared at Zero, going back and forth.

Zero continued turning the pages, his eyes glued to his magazine. "Um, yeah, there's a little sign on the door that says _'Knock Before Entering'_, and it doesn't say _'Please'_. There's kinda a reason for that."

Harpuia continued staring at Zero. "I hate you _so _much."

Zero finally put the book down to see the three guests in his room; A tied-up Harpuia, a tied-up Leviathan, and huge-bump-on-his-head Fefnir.

"I should've done something like this when you guys were so desperate to get me. It would've saved me from all those long boring speeches you guys give on a regular basis. Such as...

_'Neo Arcadia this and that! Bwah bwah bwah!'_

_'Don't die yet, Zero! I shall finish you off!'_

_'Zero, I am your father!'_ Wait, that wasn't one, but still, it was a lot of crap. Heard it all before." he finished.

Suddenly, a loud voice was heard outside the room.

_"Zero! You have to try my new cookies!"_

Zero screamed like a tiny girl and hid under his bed at the sound of Ciel's voice. Leviathan and Sage, still in their captured positions, raised an eyebrow.

"Except _that_," Zero claimed, "That is just plain sick, wrong, and evil!"

Ciel entered the room, moving from side to side dodging an anvil, blowtorch, and saw blade that Zero had hidden in his walls, all very casually. She knew where all the traps were and when they went off.

She peeked under the bed with her warm smile. "Zero, why are you hiding under the bed again?"

Zero's eyes were the only thing visible. "Your food hates me!"

She laughed, dragging him out from under the bed. "Don't worry, this time you won't start belching fire. Wait, was that when I cooked tuna salad or hamburger nachos? Well, whatever the case, I made hamburger nachos with cookies."

Zero looked mortified as he was dragged off, Leviathan and Sage waving at him, until he got an idea. He pulled out his chain and triple rod from near the door as he passed it.

The other resistance members looked in shock as Ciel was dragging Zero through the hallway, who was dragging Leviathan, Harpuia, and Fefnir in the hall with his two weapons. The triple rod was dragging Leviathan's net by the pole, and the hook attached to the rope Harpuia was still stuck to. The chain rod wrapped itself around Fefnir's leg. Some couldn't help but laugh at the sight.

Leviathan just stared at Zero, but he just gave out a sheepish grin.

"If this is how things end, I am _so_ taking you all with me!" Zero yelled, letting out an evil laugh.

Funny how Ciel was dragging all of them onto another floor and wasn't paying attention to any of the dialogue behind her. She was just too excited to show Zero her cooking, again. She probably didn't even notice the company behind him.

When the five arrived in the kitchen, Ciel tossed Zero on a chair, but her eyes lit up as she noticed his luggage.

"You all decided to come and try my food, too? That's so sweet!"

Leviathan and Harpuia had mortified looks on their faces, while Fefnir was still unconscious. She released them of their ropes and nets and threw them onto chairs as well. For a small human girl, she was pretty strong, oddly enough. Leviathan almost wondered if Ciel was stronger than she was. If that were the case, she'd most _definitely _have to destroy her.

"Open wide!" Ciel yelled.

Within a second she crammed a cookie with nacho cheese and hamburger meat on it into each of their mouths, even Fefnir's.

* * *

Seconds later, Harpuia and Leviathan were fighting each other to see who would get into the bathroom first and throw up. They were slapping each other's hands like little kids, putting each other into headlocks and the like. Without realizing it, Zero just walked right in and did what he had to do. As he got out, he started panting like a dog, with his tongue out and rapid breathing.

"I'll be tasting that for a week..." Zero said with absolute disgust, his face turning pale.

Shortly after, he found himself in the bathroom again, coming out a minute later and spraying a lot of breathmint into his mouth. Noticing this, Levi and Harp decided to stop fighting, but just as Harpuia was about to reach the door, Levi pushed him to the ground and locked the door. Sage could barely hold it in any longer, his face turning blue.

Leviathan gloated inside after her victory. After she was done spitting the poison cookie out from her mouth and system, she started working on her makeup, in which she always whistled a specific tune. She was clearly teasing Sage.

Hearing what he called 'Levi's-working-on-her-freaking-makeup-again' tune, Sage, in a desperate attempt, ripped the door open, using it to throw Levi straight out of there, and put it back onto the hatch to give himself some privacy as he also vomited the poison cookie from his digestive system.

Like Zero, they both panted like dogs, tongues hanging out with rapid breathing, shortly after applying their own spray mint. They feared Ciel more than ever, if not her cooking. Who ever thought someone could turn a mere cookie into a complete abomination? Forget the Ciel system and everything else that girl created, her cooking was **the **weapon of mass destruction.

Meanwhile, an unconscious Fefnir still sat at the kitchen table with a Nacho Hamburger Garlic Pepper Salmon Marinara Onion cookie halfway crammed through his mouth, and drool covering his shoulder.

And this was just the first day of living in the base. As much as they hated to admit it, both Sage and Levi knew if Zero survived under these conditions, he _had _to be the legendary reploid.

* * *

Later that night, just as Leviathan applied her moisturizer on and brushed her teeth at least eight times, she heard cartoons from Zero's room. She recognized it as one of her favorites, the reploid chick who could do anything, from save the world, get dates, and kick some serious booty, the girl known as _"Alia Crimson!"_ She hadn't seen that show in forever!

She dashed her way towards Zero's room, wearing little more than sandals, some pajamas and an oversized shirt, but paused at the entrance of his door, which was still wide open. She was surprised she hadn't noticed the several _'Knock First'_ signs around the door, and a welcome mat with a skull on it. Taking caution, she knocked three times.

Zero's eyes were glued to one of his favorite cartoons. He didn't respond.

Leviathan, not knowing what else to do, just shrugged and walked in. She did knock after all, right?

Suddenly, her body froze in place as electrical beams trapped her wrists and feet in place.

Zero raised the volume of his TV. "You didn't say the password."

Leviathan just whined and mumbled everything that came into her mind. On the bright side, she had a clear view of the TV.

"Are they still teasing about Alia and her sidekick Brad getting together?" she asked.

"They've been doing that the entire season." Zero replied.

"Why can't they just make them go out together? I mean, she's a smart pretty girl who can kick butt, sing, drive, and make a perfect omelet, and he's just plain funny, goofy, and kinda hot."

"Because it'll end the series. Some people on the internet are going to complain that they wanted her to go out with her arch-rival, or the guy she went out with previously, and then there are those who want to see them together but will riot if the show ends. But you know what'll happen. Series finale, she'll find some guy she likes more than Brad, it'll get him jealous, turns out the new perfect boyfriend is some evil villian in disguise, she and Brad take him out, and within three minutes, she falls for him, kisses him, and that's it, the end, with no explanation why she did any of that, but people will like it anyway because they're able to use their imaginations to make up stories and they'll still be happy that they hooked up."

Leviathan was speechless. Who ever thought Zero knew so much about this cartoon, let alone one of her favorite shows?

He continued, "Well, at least it's not like some of those shows that have one hundred episodes and the lead villian gets away in half of those episodes and it all seems to be endless. Can't stand those. Blah. Unless of course, they split it in chapters or something to give it some variety instead of one long neverending chapter."

There was silence as the show continued, and when it came to an end, Zero turned off his TV.

"Show's over, good night."

The electrical beams turned off, throwing Leviathan out of Zero's room, and his door closed, and what sounded like ten other doors closing behind it, followed by at least fifteen locks. Leviathan, tired, decided to go to retire for the night.

Oddly enough, in the kitchen, a snoring Fefnir still had Nacho Hamburger Garlic Pepper Salmon Marinara Onion cookie halfway crammed through his mouth.

* * *

_Man, do I have some evil plans for everyone coming soon. I thought I'd be done with this fic by now, but I guess not. Awaiting reviews as always. Yippie ki yay!  
_


	11. Pseudo

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 11: Pseudo**

_Capcom owns everyone. I just got the idea for the story. More resistance mayhem._

_IMPORTANT: If you have me on your author alert list and just like this story, take me off, because I plan to upload a revised version of my other story and I don't want you to get 22 e-mails for 22 chapters. If you've read this, you've been warned. _

_First, responses to reviews:  
Rioni Riishu: Again, loved the manga. I swear, I should start drawing again. Good stuff. Glad the support's there!  
DemonNinja: That'd be something fun to make fun of. As you can see, I've made fun of some things here. Hopefully those attempts at humor work in my favor. _

_Everyone else: Keep the reviews coming! More reviews more stories! _

_

* * *

_

Harpuia felt really awkward sleeping in the basement of the resistance base. Even though his room was thousands of times better than it was at the apartment, it was just weird being here. Then again, the rooms of the other resistance members were worse. Much worse. Sometimes Fefnir and Levi would poke fun at him because he liked things like Transformers and shows about giant robots saving and destroying the world. Harpuia liked anime, and despite it was obvious, no one knew.

But some things hadn't changed. He turned in his bed to find giant eyeballs staring at him.

"GAH!" Harpuia screamed.

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I wake you?" the eyes spoke in a small nerdy voice.

"No, I was having a nightmare about Bigfoot eating my ass. Yes, you woke me!"

"Oh, I'm terribly sorry!"

The eyes continued to glare at Sage.

"So…" Sage started.

"Oh, allow me to introduce myself. My name is Perroquiet. Pleased to meet you, Mr. Harpuia!"

Harpuia realized that it was a small kid wearing glasses. Great, a resistance kid.

"What do you want?" he grumbled.

"Well, it's just so exciting to have a former guardian of Copy X in our base. I wanted to talk to you the last time you were here, but I guess you thought we were the enemy."

Harpuia wasn't in the mood to discuss the past, so he just decided he would give the kid what he wanted so he could go back to sleep.

"Fine, fire away." He yawned.

"Okay, well…" the small reploid pulled out a small notebook, "I have some questions for you. First of all, _what is your full name_?"

"Sage Harpuia."

"_Next, what is your specialty?_"

"To be the green lord of the skies, causing thunderstorms, tornadoes, lightning, the weather."

"_Next, what are your likes?_"

"Private information."

"_What are your dislikes?_"

"Everything that I don't like."

"_What are your thoughts on Zero?_"

"If I said what I truly think, this fic will be rated M."

"What's a fic?"

"Never mind."

"_Have you ever had a girlfriend?_"

"No."

"_Have you ever had a job other than guardian?_"

"Shoe salesman."

"_Why is there a giant tiki statue in your room?_"

"Security system."

"_Am I bothering you?_"

"Yes."

"_Do you want me to leave?_"

"Yes."

"_Do you know what time it is?_"

"No."

"_Do you want me to tell you what time it is?_"

"I guess."

"3 AM. Thank you for your time, Mr. Harpuia!"

With that, Perroquiet left the room.

* * *

Harpuia woke up late that morning, finding the other three fighting reploids fighting over the bathroom mirror, wearing little more than a bath robe and drinking some coffee. 

"What are you guys getting all washed up about now?" an irritated Sage asked.

"We suffered some weird side-effects from the food last night." Zero answered, removing his helmet. Harpuia spat his coffee as he noticed that Zero's hair turned green.

"There's something new," he replied surprised, yet quietly.

Zero, the coffee steaming on his face, "Thank you for your input, Mr. Sage Harpuia."

Both caught wind of Fefnir dancing throughout the base.

"What's up with him?" Sage asked.

"I grew hair! I grew hair!" Fefnir happily danced, showing off his new dirty-blonde spiky hair.

"Put the children to bed and lock the doors. He's going to be doing this all day." Harpuia accused as he took a sip of whatever coffee was left in his mug.

It then occurred to Sage that one member was missing.

"She's kept herself locked up in her room all day." Zero claimed, "Something about her hair turning yellow and growing out."

Just then, a blonde reploid shoved them out of the way. "I'm a Ciel clone!" she cried, running to hide in her room.

Harpuia knew that this had to be the result of Ciel's nuclear toxic cookie she fed them last night. Fefnir grew hair, Levi turned blonde, and Zero's hair turned green. Saying nothing, he just went back into his room as Zero pulled out a bottle of yellow spray paint.

Sage's door closed as he approached his mirror and slowly took his helmet off. He didn't know how to act.

His hair was completely dark red. In a sense, it kinda looked…

"Cool."

* * *

Meanwhile, Leviathan was crying in her room. Looking like a carbon copy of Ciel with blue armor on was the nightmare that came true. Now Zero would avoid her at all costs and having a second Ciel in the house would… would… 

What would it do? Then she got an idea, she could pretend to be Ciel and give people all sorts of wild orders. She could ask for Harpuia to build a giant robot to destroy things with, she could ask Fefnir to BBQ his world-famous-but-beaten-to-the-patent hot dogs and hamburgers for eternity, while Zero… she couldn't think.

Now she just needed to pull it off. How would she do it?

"Take off your armor."

Her head went through the ceiling as Zero stood in her doorway. It took her five seconds to free herself.

"What are you doing here, Zero? Can't a girl have her privacy?"

"I could hear your voice from my room through the ventilation system." He slyly grunted.

"I was thinking, not talking." she snapped, wrapping her arms and looking away.

"Says you. Who else would say…" he gasped for breath, "'OMGWTF my hair is blonde I look like Ciel why in the world must I look like Ciel now?'"

He nailed the impression perfectly. Leviathan went white.

"So, you take off your armor, assuming you're wearing something under there, God forbid if you're not, dress like a regular resistance member, sneak into Ciel's lab and steal her clothes. You've both got blue eyes and now blonde hair, you can probably pull it off."

She felt iffy. "You don't think people will notice? I mean, our faces are shaped a bit differently."

"Believe me, all people designed in Japan look the same when their eye and hair colors match." Zero sneered.

Levi blinked twice. "Wha…?"

Zero covered his face briefly. "Never mind. Just suit up and do what you need to do."

Leviathan shrugged, then made her way through the door and past Zero.

"Oh, Levi?"

She turned around.

"If you try to make me your man slave, I'll tell everybody about the time you picked your nose and had a really large wet booger on your finger when Omega kicked your butt, the real reason you bailed on that fight."

Her jaw dropped as the elevator sent her up. Zero stood there smugly, knowing Leviathan was going to be really insecure if her reputation was blown to hell, especially here in the resistance base. Another red reploid, now with spiky dirty-blonde hair, appeared behind him.

"You know," Fefnir smiled, "When she was younger, we used to call her 'booger'. Well, sometimes we still do."

"I'll keep that in mind." Zero snickered.

* * *

Leviathan went upstairs, trying to find her way to Ciel's room. She hadn't explored the entire area, so she figured that her room was in the same area as everybody else's rooms. She didn't know that Ciel had her own lab upstairs. Lucky for her, she found a directory. A directory in this base? Whatever. 

She sneaked past the operators in the command room, who were talking to each other.

"Really? So what did you tell him after he said that?"

"I told him that if he wanted to cook dinner, he should've brought something to cook with in the first place."

"I bet that made him feel stupid."

"Are you kidding? He had no idea that you had to use any tools to cook. No frying pan. No food. Nothing."

"You were dating a real moron."

"No kidding."

Levi passed undetected. She then passed Cerveau's lab and then Ciel's room was right next to it. Of course, Ciel's picture near the door was a dead giveaway. But then she noticed a room on the opposite side, open. Taking a peek, she was surprised to see that Ciel was reading a magazine while in a tanning machine. Ciel? Tanning? Humans…

Levi then returned to Ciel's lab, finding what she needed. A pink plastic hat that made her head twice as big, a little pink dress, grey pants, and tennis shoes that looked like they were designed a thousand years ago. Since no one was in the room, she decided to change. She forgot about Zero's advice to dress up like a resistance member, but that didn't matter. Leviathan was where she needed to be.

Shortly after, the resemblance was uncanny. All Leviathan had to do now was tie her hair in a ponytail, and viola. Well, close.

'Hmm,' she thought. 'It's close, but something's missing. Oh! I know, some eyeliner and… draw some dark circles under my eyes. Adds that depressed I-haven't-slept-in-ages-look.'

Sure enough, that's what she needed. After that was done, her attention turned to the computer in the corner.

RESISTANCE BASE INFORMATION DATABASE: PLEASE ENTER A KEYWORD

Leviathan got curious. Since this was Ciel's lab, perhaps she treated it like a diary. Just what made the girl crazy anyway? Leviathan hadn't typed anything in forever, so it took her some time to get used to the keyboard again.

ZERO  
Zero is an ancient reploid who in the past worked in a partnership with the acclaimed hero, Mega Man X to fight the Maverick Wars. After the war ended, Zero put himself to sleep in hopes that the Sigma Virus inside of him would die down. After a hundred years, his body was discovered by members of the new resistance and was recruited.

Original name: Omega  
Creator: Dr. Albert Wily  
Hair: Blonde  
Age: 100+  
Favorite Food: Nachos

About Zero:  
Zero's a hot blonde reploid, and he's mine! He'll do whatever I say, or else!

PLEASE ENTER NEW KEYWORD

Just as Leviathan figured, Ciel did input her own thoughts. Now she was curious.

HARPUIA  
About Harpuia:  
He's pretty but not as cute as Zero! I wouldn't mind flying with him. Rwarrr.

FEFNIR  
About Fefnir:  
Fefnir's gross and he's a pervert.

PHANTOM  
About Phantom:  
Am I the only girl in the world who think ninjas are boring? How can you tell if a guy is cute if you can't see his face? Sexy voices aren't everything!

LEVIATHAN  
About Leviathan:  
Ugly, mean, and a dirty whore. Dirty dirty dirty! She has sick fantasies about Zero. Not that she can be blamed. But she's still dirty! She would make a horrible girlfriend for Zero, and every other guy out there. The ugly and short one.

Levi's eyes raged. It was on now, Ciel!

The door then opened. Speak of the devil.

The two 'Ciels' just stood there, staring at each other with baffled expressions, at least until one blew a bubble of gum from her mouth before it exploded in her face, blinding her.

"Hah! Victory is mine!" Levi's voice cried.

That second, Leviathan grabbed a bag from the corner and stuffed Ciel into it, slamming the closet.

There was a new leader in town.

* * *

Levi went to the command center, noticing the operators were talking to each other. 

"And he was such an insensitive jerk. I mean, yes, accidentally swinging a 2x4 on your head is going to hurt!"

"So he just sat down to watch football with his friends? What a pompous ass."

"Really. So you said you dumped beer on his head when the fourth quarter began?"

"Yup, and he wasn't too happy about it, but having a bump on your head from a 2x4 isn't anything to be happy about, either."

"I'll bet. Good thing that didn't last."

"Mm-hmm."

Levi cleared her throat as the two stopped their conversation.

"We're sorry, Ms. Ciel."

"What's up?"

"I need missions to send Zero on!"

"Did you lose track of the Tiki room?"

Levi went blank. "Tiki room?"

"Yes, Ms. Ciel, you know, the place where you seek the divine and powerful wisdom of the ancient tiki statue of the 1970's?"

Levi didn't want to blow her cover. "Uh… oh, right, right. Yes! The… uh, Tiki room."

"Third floor with the sign that says, 'Forbidden'."

"Okay. Um, thanks." Levi sheepishly beamed. Doe Ciel beam? She didn't know.

* * *

Just as the operators said, Leviathan located the room, and entered. There was no light, until a loud dark voice echoed the room. 

A dark voice echoed, _"I am the mighty-meeta-culana-waku-waku-waka-cibana-pina-colata Tikki God!"_

Levi's face dropped as a giant tiki head appeared before her, the eyes and mouth lighting up. It was clearly made in the 1970's.

"You have got to be kidding me," she sighed.

_"Silence! You will show respect to the Tikki God!"_

"Okay." she retorted calmly. "You mean to tell me that the missions are based on some ancient Tikki relic?" Leviathan asked.

_"Yes! You shall obey the wisdom that is the Tikki God, or suffer!"_

"So, any missions?" she asked. She was getting nervous.

_"Yes! Today, Zero gets the week off! Harpuia shall water the garden on the roof. Fefnir shall test more of your cooking…"_

She blinked. "Um, isn't that a bit harsh?"

_"Nonsense!"_ the voice retorted, _"For he has actually grown hair thanks to your cookies!"_

She twiddled her fingers, "Actually, Harpuia and I… I mean Leviathan, that other girl, woke up in the middle of the night and decided to spray his hair with some new experimental hair spray they found in Zero's room that he uses for his hair when it gets damaged, but used brown hair spray so it wouldn't be so obvious. We also pulled the cookie out, and it took so long because of some insects in his mouth, but he eats bugs all the time."

The Tikki paused. _"I sensed someone stole something last night! And what became of the others who ate her cookie that night?"_

"Other than massive amounts of puking, Harpuia snuck into Zero's room and sprayed his hair green. I'm not sure about the others. The girl's hair turned from blue to blonde, and I'm not sure about the green one."

_"Foolish guardian. Do you not see a connection?"_

"No."

_"You have your missssssiiiiiooooooonnnnnsss…."_

The Tikki went dead.

"Dammit! That wasn't supposed to happen!" came a voice from behind.

Leviathan looked for a light switch, found one, and looked at the Tikki. It was clearly a wooden board with cheap electric lights on the mouth and eyes, and there were wires. Audio wires. She then pulled the board back.

"Um, pay not attention to the reploid behind me!"

"ZERO!"

"Gotcha." he smirked.

She crossed her arms, "Oh, you just suck."

"Guilty as charged! So that's why my hair turned green, and that's why I couldn't find my hair spray!"

Leviathan nervously beamed.

"At least I returned the favor this morning!" Zero smirked, making his way towards the door.

"What are you talking about?" Levi asked as she was stalking Zero.

"Painting your head blonde and Harpuia's hair red. Toodles!"

Zero also beamed as Leviathan blinked before she rose the fires of hell.

"DIE!"

She waved her arms and legs madly as she chased him throughout the base. After going through each floor, Zero retreated to his room, but left the door open.

"Ugh. Women."

Levi came storming in. "Zero! I-aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!"

She shortly found herself chained in a water tank.

"No password for Booger! Gwagwagwagwagwah!" he guffawed.

She rolled her eyes while Zero pulled out a box of juice from the refrigerator under his bed (hey, in the future it makes sense that they have small horizontal refrigerators, no?) and sipped it proudly.

"Check and mate."

* * *

Upstairs, the operators were still talking to each other. 

"Why did you think Zero told us to tell Ciel about some Tiki room in the 3rd floor?"

"Who cares? He gave us free tickets to see Chucky the DSL Guy."

"Is that part of the Red Collar Comedy Tour?"

"It is."

"Sweet! We'd better not have any missions to report to Ms. Ciel."

"Who cares? I've been sitting on my ass for the last 140309 hours."

"I could've sworn it was 140310 hours. We need to get out more."

"Good thing we don't gain weight by sitting down all the time."

"You said it."

* * *

_Well, that's it for this chapter. Wee._


	12. Trade

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 12: Trade**

_Capcom owns everyone. I just got the idea for the story._

_

* * *

_

Neither Fefnir nor Leviathan could sleep. If there was something bad about their new rooms, it was the fact that you could hear everything going on in the next one. In this case, it was loud typing that had been going on for hours.

Frustrated, both Levi and Fef went for the room with the green light. Harpuia.

Levi started out, moisturizer all over his face, "What are you doing at this time of night? What are you, an insomniac?"

"Something of the sort," Harp responded.

Fefnir noticed Harp was shopping on the internet. This was certainly not his style.

"Shopping?" the drool-covered guardian questioned.

"Yep," the typing one claimed.

Silence. Well, if there was one thing certain about Harpuia's style, he was extremely secretive about his actions unless it was something in his guardian duties. And as one would expect, this is one thing Fefnir and especially Leviathan hated, until a round ball appeared on the screen.

"Plenty of oxygen, a massive width and some nice scenery. Hmm…" Harpuia continued.

"A planet? You're planning to move to another planet?" Fefnir asked.

"Better. I'm thinking of buying one." Harp smirked.

Leviathan blinked. "Buying a planet? What are you going to do with a planet?"

"You need to ask? Simple. Take a lifeless pretty planet, well, one that's a desolate wasteland with a lot of water, do a ton of gardening and make a ton of cities to add some flavor and life, try to attract some people, make yourself leader, and what do you have? Planet Harpuia." Harpuia sneered.

Both Levi and Fefnir blinked a few times before able to completely comprehend it.

"Planet Harpuia?" the two asked in unison.

"Planet Harpuia."

Harpuia thought this was a genius idea, while the other two thought it was the most ridiculous thing they've heard.

"Goodnight," the two finished in unison before leaving the room.

* * *

"Steak and eggs! Beeeyooong!" an ecstatic blonde cried as he pulled a delicious meal from the oven, cutting his meal with a green sword.

"Does he do that every morning?" Leviathan asked a resistance soldier across from her.

"When he doesn't give Ms. Ciel the chance to cook breakfast, it would be a surprise if he wasn't." the soldier answered.

Enter the resistance cafeteria on the top floor. On one side are the observation towers, on the other side, the one that we never see since the game's in 2D, the cafeteria faces us. Fefnir already got lost and Harpuia was still on the computer, so Levi went on her own to breakfast. Of course, Zero got up five hours early to prevent Ciel from cooking before him.

Leviathan now knew why some people think that the way to someone's heart is their mouth. In this case, she glared in awe at Zero, who tossed his eggs into the air, catching them in his mouth, and eating his entire steak in one bite. All she had on her tray were scrambled eggs, sausage, and since the word 'French' had been banned by Copy X in the Post-Elf War Leadership wars (don't ask), X Toast. Well, Zero was the cook this morning, and it beats whatever grey egg salad and green toast that Ciel cooked every now and then.

Her thinking came to an abrupt end as a loud belching entered her ear and flew out the other.

"Fefnir, you sicko!" she cried.

In a redneck accent, her brother beamed, "This is the best damn burrito I ever tasted!"

"Whoopie."

More resistance soldiers cheered as they hailed before their cook, the red legend with blonde hair and cooked with sparkling green weapons.

"Whoever knew Zero's sword added a mint flavor to our meal?"

"So that explains why it's green."

"Where's Ms. Ciel anyway?"

* * *

"Hello? Hello? I'm trapped somewhere and I have bubble gum all over my face!"

She still hadn't escaped from her closet.

* * *

"With a meal like this, I'm not really concerned yet."

"You got me there."

As the many resistance soldiers gossiped to each other about Zero's cooking abilities, Fefnir stuffed his face with whatever he could and used his guns to fry his food more.

"You know, I never knew that Zero was much of a cook. Sure, he could put up an awesome fight, do the impossible, fool the IRS and pay half his utility bills, but this is really really good stuff." Fefnir chowed down, "I wonder how he got those skills."

* * *

A week before Halloween:

"Ugh, remind me why in Cyberspace I'm teaching you my skills?"

"Because you both lost to me in a game of poker, darts, Battleship, and all the Street Fighter games out there. That, and I caught you cheating in Uno."

"He's got us there, Master."

"Please do not remind me, apprentice. So, I see it has come down to this, Zero."

"So it has, Phantom. I am ready to begin my training!"

In a huge restaurant in Cyberspace, Zero holds a spoon and spatula as weapons and prepares himself in a battle stance. The popular Cyber chef Phantom and his apprentice, Cyber-elf Elpizo stand/float across him, both sweatdropping.

"This had better be worth my time. You have interrupted the watching of my favorite movie trilogy!" Phantom muttered, covering his face.

"A deal is a deal, Phantom." Zero smirked with evil.

Phantom pouted. "I hate you."

* * *

"That's a trade secret," Zero smiled. "Ever heard the phrase, 'Magicians never reveal their secrets'? I ain't telling anyone my secret! Now if you don't mind, I need to cook lunch. A grand feast!"

The entire resistance cheered. "Hooray!"

"What'd I miss?" asked a nearby reploid with black circles around his eyes.

"Hi Harpuia." his siblings responded.

"Just a meal from the Resistance Force's new cook." Levi answered.

"They didn't cook any of those cats running around, did they?"

"Nope, good ol' plain, natural and fresh food!" Fefnir spoke with his mouth full, unintentionally spitting all the food at Harp.

"Charming..." the foodface spoke. "But I haven't eaten all day."

"It's only breakfast." Levi observed.

"Who said I ate yesterday? Be back shortly, then I'm headed elsewhere."

* * *

Out in the dunes of the desert, a sandstorm blows past a small town several miles away from Neo Arcadia. Despite the storm, many people and reploids still gather, making several trades and sales, half of which are probably legal. A dark hooded figure makes his way through after parking what appears to be a falcon, entering a bar.

Inside, more of the same. Several people talking, making deals, and some actually drinking. There's even a small band in the corner.

"Ugh, ever since that movie came out all the sand cities look the same. Well, I'd better start looking," the figure spoke, taking off his cloak of his face, revealing a green helmet with green face paint..

Behind him, two more figures entered.

Harpuia took a seat at the bar. "Give me a Red Six, mix some raspberry in there and be sure there's some ice in there this time."

"You Sage?"

Sage turned around to see a reploid that appeared his age, but it was clear he was built several years ago, wearing some blue face paint, but a male.

Harpuia leaned towards the tradesman. "You got what I want?"

"Actually, about that. I thought it was a free and empty planet. Turns out my little sister attached a ball onto my telescope. Sorry, but I found this out about ten minutes ago."

Harpuia grumbled as he sucked down his wine. "Figured it was too good to be true. Well, thanks, I guess." He then turned around to face the two dark figures behind him. "You're not fooling anyone, you two."

Grumbling, the two took off their cloaks.

"How did you know?" asked the blue-haired girl with a scythe.

"Maybe he has night vision goggles or something." spoke the red one with two huge guns on his back.

"We're built with night vision, you moron." the blue one snapped back.

"Oh, right." the red one spoke.

Harpuia wiped his face with his hand. "I still don't see how we're related." He then turned to the bartender. "Give me a few Red Sixes for the road."

It was weird having three reploids with weak-clothed cloaks on. Harpuia was the first to notice, unsurprisingly.

"So, what? Are you guys trying to copy my fashion sense now?" he asked sarcastically.

"We're thinking you got the look from somewhere else," Levi replied.

"I don't copy movies."

"No, we're talking about this."

Leviathan pointed to a picture of Zero on the wall, walking through the desert with the same type of cloak on. This was an old picture, then Harpuia remembered it was taken shortly before he saved Zero.

"So, that's why he saved me." he thought out loud.

"NOW you figure that out?" Leviathan shouted.

"And I thought I was slow." Fefnir followed.

"Oh shut up. When you're going to be late for a dental appointment with a hundred credit late fee, you'd take the easy way out." Harpuia excused.

"Uh huh. Sure." Leviathan teased.

"You try throwing his body into a sandworm, dropping a tank on him, and pouring warm water on his hand. Yet he passes out because of a sandstorm." Harpuia finished. "So, why did you two follow me in the first place?"

Fefnir got ecstatic. "Are you kidding? We kinda thought about it, and then we decided we also wanted our own planets. Planet Fefnir, where dragons will be the primary way of transportation over pools of lava and the only way to get a job is to fight to the death! That'd be cool."

Harpuia then turned his head to Leviathan.

"What? Me? Well, why not have a water planet and make my own ice utopia. Leviantis! I'm still working on the name, but my own little world wouldn't be a bad idea."

Harpuia, after shaking his head, headed toward the entrance. "You two stay if you want, I'm out of here."

After turning the security off Falcon, Harpuia hopped on and flew away into the sandstorm.

Shortly afterwards, after getting themselves drinks, Leviathan and Fefnir came out.

"He likes ditching us, doesn't he?" Leviathan pouted.

"I guess he still has a grudge against us when we used to carpool in high school. Well, I know what this means..." Fefnir groaned.

* * *

Fefnir drove across the desert in his powered vehicle form as Leviathan sat on one of his cannons.

"You know what?" the vehicle spoke.

"Hmm?"

"In our powered forms, I'm for land, you're for water, and Harp's for air. What was Phantom supposed to be in his powered form?"

She took a few seconds to think. "You know, I have no idea. I'm placing my bets on a space station or an underground drill. If he were nothing more than a giant shuriken, I'd be laughing."

"The world may never know." he finished.

* * *

Ciel's closet blew open, and shortly after, a burnt and smoking blonde human crawled out.

"So that's why I kept that grenade in my closet. Still...!"

She rushed outside of her lab and punched the picture of herself on the wall.

"Damn you, doppelganger! You may have gotten me once, but the next time I see you, your soul is mine! Muahahahahahh...hah..hahahahahah...I'm hungry."

* * *

_Tune in next time. Beeyong!_


	13. The Hacking

**Guardian Roommates: Chapter 13: The Hacking**

_I live! Not really. Sorry for the long delay, everyone, but I've had like **no** ideas for this story in a month. I dunno about the rest of you guys, but when it comes to ideas, I like for them to come to me and not be forced, because it kind of becomes obvious, me thinks. And guess what? I'm heading out of the state just this week for vacation. Fun. Anyway, the story continues... not that there's any real plot in all of this.  
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Leviathan laid down on her bed, anxiously waiting. She constantly kept her eyes on _anything _that resembled a clock. The three watches on each of her arms, the five clocks on her room, even the soccer ball that the kids would play with would often smash into Leviathan's head.

_Shipping takes two weeks_, the form said.

Harpuia was walking by, noticing that Leviathan was anxiously and impatiently reading through all her magazines, despite they had been well over ten years old. Surely social advice and how to please boys would be useless, but he started to get a bit frightened when he noticed she was ripping out pages, putting them in her mouth, and then playing a game of spitball into a metal vase in the corner. Soon, she started just tossing entire magazines in her mouth and spat the whole spitwad at the vase.

Any more insanity from her and she was bound to toss furniture and other reploids in her mouth, so Harpuia took a deep breath and went in.

"Time out, I haven't seen you this bored since we went to that hot-dog cooking competition that Fefnir forced us to attend in high school. What gives?"

She just continued to chew apart whatever magazine she consumed, "That delivery is taking forever to get here!"

His eyes narrowed, "What delivery?"

Her eyes fluttered dreamily just thinking about it, "Oh, I ordered a rare weapon. It has everything, it's shiny, it's pretty, it's sharp…" she trailed off.

Harpuia noticed a piece of paper near her closet and pulled it off, observing its contents, "A shiny sword that has the power to make you do whatever you want, whenever you want, and… looking by this print-out, it looks like a little girl's toy."

"It's going to be _this_ little girl's toy," she retorted, talking about herself. "And I don't want to wait for it any longer!"

He put the print-out back on Levi's closet, having a bad feeling about what he was going to ask.

"When exactly did you send off for this?"

"This morning."

Harpuia then ran out of the room and slammed his head into the wall, leaving Leviathan all alone to chew up spitwads.

"Drinking the coffee a bit earlier today, I see," spoke a red reploid that was now next to Harpuia.

"Hi Fefnir. I'm having a little private moment with the wall. You mind?"

Fefnir just shook his head, "Nope, I'll leave you two lovers alone."

After Fefnir passed by him, Harpuia head-butted the wall next to him, this time flying back in pain as the wall suffered no damage.

"Gah! I hit a stud! Ow-ow-ow-ow-oooowwwww!"

* * *

"It's here! It's here! It's here!" cried an ecstatic Leviathan as she ran to _every_ room to show _every_ person the box that arrived in the mail, including both male and female bathrooms, even popping up on Ciel's computer. Finally, it came to a stop when she approached Harpuia, who grabbed her by the neck as she ran off to find another victim. 

"Okay, calm down before you snap a blood vessel in your eyes."

Her eyes were already red.

"Okay, calm down before you suffer a heat stroke."

"Reploids don't suffer from heat strokes, Harpuia."

He sighed, "Calm down before you slip and fall on your ass and slide your way past Zero's room again."

"I blame the people who made me and made my ass so shiny and smooth. Whoever thought that riding on your butt through the resistance base halls would be so much fun?"

Harpuia just rolled his eyes, "Okay, thank you for the information, bubble butt. What's all the ruckus about?"

Her eyes turned into blue pearls, "It's here, the sword is here!"

Harpuia just covered his face. It was later that _same_ morning.

She quickly pulled it out of the box, which sliced something as it made its way in front of her.

"Hmm, I don't remember it looking anything like this. Damn those stupid, 'actual product may vary' crap! Oh well, I have a sword now! Check it out, Harpuia!"

The green reploid was nowhere to be seen.

"Um, Harpuia?"

"Down here, weedwhacker!"

Harpuia lay on the floor with his torso sliced in half, trying to get up with his hands.

Leviathan just observed him, "You know, if we didn't need legs, that'd be a good look for you."

He started to fume, which allowed his body to float momentarily, "You idiot! You sliced me in half!"

She carelessly swung her sword the other way, another slice being heard, as she explained, "I'm signed up for classes! No wait, that was bartending college and they rejected my application!"

A male grumble could be heard on the floor, "Gee, I come down here to say hi to my little sis and this is what I get. I've got some tough lovin."

"Shut up, Fefnir," both Levi and Harp snapped back with, although Levi froze when she saw what had happened.

She also sliced Fefnir in half. Again, she looked at her sword.

"Hmm, This thing works better than I thought it would," she gleefully noticed.

"Whoop dee friggin doo," Harpuia interrupted, "Can you get our bodies back together now?"

Instead, she just studied her sides, Harpuia lay on one side and Fefnir on the other. There was something she always wondered, but she never had the time or the opportunity to test it, but now was a good time as any. She picked up both Harpuia and Fefnir's torsos and switched their sides. Harpuia already figured this one out.

"Oh geez, you're not actually going to put _my_ legs on _his_ body?"

Levi nodded, "I've always wondered what would happen."

So right there, she snapped on Harpuia's torso and legs onto Fefnir's body, and Fefnir's torso and legs onto Harpuias… backwards.

Fefnir almost screamed when he came to, earlier being distracted by a spider on the floor. 'WAAAAAAAAAH!"

"My sentiments exactly…" Harpuia quietly mumbled.

Fefnir was about to explode, "Why didn't anyone tell me my ass was so big and red?"

Harpuia became uncomfortable with the fact that Fefnir was staring at his rear end, even though it wasn't really his.

"Why don't you take a picture to show your folks?"

Suddenly, Fefnir ran into the wall.

Harpuia just stood in surprise, "Hmm, I didn't think that would actually work."

Despite being disconnected from his body, Harpuia was still able to control his legs, forcing Fefnir to run into the walls over and over and over and over again. He actually got a kick out of it.

"Stop running into the walls. Stop running into the walls. Stop running into the walls," he taunted.

Suddenly, he flew in the air and landed straight on his back, then it happened again, and again.

Fefnir was roaring, "Hah, two can play at that came, Harpuia! Quit falling on your ass! Quit falling on your ass!"

Harpuia stretched out his arms, pressing his hands against the wall, allowing him to keep himself stationary above the floor, where Fefnir's legs had no effect, "You moron, you're forcing me to fall on _your_ ass!"

"Both of you, stop it!" Leviathan fumed as she swung her sword around, yet another slice surrounding the room.

"Gee, I come to get some toilet paper and this happens," Zero groaned, legs and torso on one side and his chest, arms and head on another.

"Welcome to the party," Harpuia grimly welcomed.

"Hey Zero, what's blue, dumb, and sharp? A girl with a weapon!" Fefnir cackled madly at his own joke.

No one else was laughing, especially Leviathan.

"Shut up shut up shut up!" she roared, slicing her sword everywhere and sending pieces of Harpuia, Fefnir and Zero everywhere.

"You know," Zero spoke, "Why is it when mavericks tell me that they're going to slice me to pieces that they never do, and yet now when I'm not expecting it I get hacked in half?"

"By a girl, no doubt!" Fefnir replied.

"I know what you mean…" Harpuia groaned, "I can't believe it. Leviathan doesn't know what she's doing and now there's pieces of us everywhere."

Leviathan whined more, thinking that all the boys in the room were making fun of her, and at this point, Harpuia.

"What? You think you can handle this? Well, here!"

She quickly tossed it to Harpuia's arms, which swung the sword once before dropping it.

Leviathan joined the boys in the half-body party.

Harpuia just smirked, "Just one swing. Wish I had that luck when I had to fight Zero. Hmm…"

Just as Harpuia got the sinister idea of attacking Zero with the sword, it was suddenly pulled from his hand.

"Oh, here it is! I've been looking all over for this!"

It was none other than the human nightmare herself, Ciel.

Leviathan almost went pale, "What are you talking about?"

Ciel then pulled a small box from her pockets and tossed it to Leviathan's upper half, "Oh, this came in the mail for you."

Leviathan fainted when she opened it, it was the very item she ordered earlier that day, and as Harpuia said earlier, it was indeed a child's toy.

"I'll leave you robots to play while I take this," Ciel finished, picking up the sword and leaving the vicinity.

Zero was almost fanatical, "Wait a second, Ciel! What would you need with a sword like that?"

He and Fefnir grew scared as Harpuia just sat quietly.

"A sword?" Ciel laughed, "Please, this is just the new butter knife I ordered today. I think I left the other one in the oven and, well, I've got some of the boys up there in cleanup duty. You guys have fun…" she trailed off as she whistled 'Crash' from the first game (and not the 'Remastered' version).

Everyone else just dropped to the floor.

Harpuia just shook his head, "Well, this is not how I expected to spend my day,"

Zero managed to get on his hands and walk around, "Well, this isn't as bad as the time Ciel hacked off the heads and torsos of all the resistance members as a 'training exercise'. She put my head on one of the female reploid's bodies. That was just plain horrible. I mean, I remember when morons would hit on me in my earlier days of joining Maverick Hunter HQ because they thought only girls had long blonde hair, but now having the body of the girl, that was just plain scary. More scary when it was one with a girl's head with a man's body."

"Too much information…" Harpuia complained.

"How'd you get out of that?" Fefnir curiously wondered.

"Remember when you guys were still in Neo Arcadia and tricked us into an ambush and blew us up by a bomb and it looked like our bodies were destroyed? Actually, we fell apart and found our rightful parts," Zero answered.

Harpuia remembered, "Ah, yes, I remember. That was the same day Fefnir lost his action figure in the toilet and managed to flush himself down just to find it."

"And guess what? I did! It's going to be a cold storm in hell before I ever lose Major Snakley!" Fefnir proudly ranted.

To change the scene, Leviathan managed to hop onto her hands, looking puzzled.

"Um, you guys? Why aren't we dead? I mean, I remember the reports where Zero would hack someone in half and they'd go boom. Why's that not happening now?"

Harpuia and Fefnir didn't know. For the first time the whole day, Leviathan made sense.

Zero knew, though, "No no no no no… You have to be near-dead and _then_ get hacked in half to die. Now if you get hacked in half when you're not under any damage, you'll just _take_ damage."

"Oooooooooooooh," the guardians all acknowledged in unison.

"Well," Fefnir started, "There's been something I've always wanted to do but never had the chance to."

"Eat a hot dog and pour milk up your nose?" Harpuia guessed, "You did that last week, again mind you."

"No no no no," Fefnir replied, "Watch this."

He managed to get on his hands and walked towards the lower half of Leviathan's torso and snapped it on. Her face dropped as she came to witness this, more so when she saw what his plan was.

Somehow gaining control of her legs, Fefnir started running full speed on her feet and suddenly sat, letting Leviathan's butt take the pain, and much to Leviathan's embarrassment, he was sliding across the entire hall riding her butt.

"Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" he cried, clearly enjoying the ride.

"Fefnir!" Leviathan yelled.

Quickly, she got on her hands and walked all the way to Zero's lower torso, snapped on, and chased Fefnir in a similar manner. Zero's rear was shiny and smooth enough to ride through the halls also.

"Get back here, you pervert!" she cried as she rode away.

"Hmm," Zero speculated, "I had no idea my ass could do that."

Harpuia paused, "Yes, you did."

"Okay, so I did, but it's a trade secret," Zero beamed with a bright smile.

Harpuia hated being a reploid.

* * *

Later on, all four came to the kitchen, all with someone else's legs. Leviathan was in Zero's, Fefnir was in Leviathan's, Harpuia was in Fefnir's again, and Zero stole Harpuia's legs. 

Fefnir didn't know what was going on, whispering to Zero, "Any reason why Ciel wanted us up here?"

Zero just narrowed his eyes, "It's the kitchen, Fefnir. My guess? Trap us into another experimental dinner."

Suddenly, chairs popped up from the floor and before they knew it, they were completely strapped in, unable to escape. Ciel popped out of the shadows of the dark room, wearing a bright smile as always.

"Anyone want to know what I cooked tonight?"

"Eye of a peacock with tomato salad?" Levi guessed.

"Salmon with nacho cheese mixed with cereal again?" Fefnir guessed.

"Mutated swamp milkshake?" Zero guessed.

"Dogshit taco?" Harpuia guessed.

In an instant, Harpuia's legs and upper torso turned into an icecube. Lucky for Zero and Fefnir, they didn't feel the effects of the wristbands that Ciel placed on the guardians when they arrived.

"Ha ha, very funny Harpie," Ciel laughed sarcastically, before revealing to them her surprise, "Behold! A pizza with all the goods. French vanilla ice cream, mustard, pickles, chocolate, and lastly, fruitcake jalapenos! I'd love to see how you guys like it, but I'm needed in my lab for some reason."

With that, she slowly made her way out of the kitchen, leaving Zero and the guardians to stare at the animating and bubbling meal Ciel cooked up.

Fefnir had his eyes on Leviathan, "I blame you for this."

"How much do you guys want to bet that if I add hot water to this, the explosion will be worth remembering?" Zero asked.

"How do you suppose we do that?" Harpuia muffled, seeing as they were all still strapped to their seats and he was still an icecube.

Zero cleared his throat, "Fef, see if you can pull your fire your guns over the pizza. Levi, you shoot ice from you scythe... You _do_ have your scythe on you, don't you?"

She nodded, "Just because you can't see it doesn't mean it's not there. Don't ask me how that works, I don't even know."

With that, she pulled her scythe out of virtually nowhere, and Fefnir pulled out his guns from... nowhere either, and both did as instructed. Levi's ice turned hot as Fefnir's flames heated them up, and shortly afterward...

**BOOM**

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The four of them walked out of the kitchen, finally with their bodies on the right legs, except for poor Harpuia who was now _one_ big icecube as opposed to two earlier.

"Okay, how'd you know that was going to happen?" Fefnir wondered.

"Isn't it obvious?" Levi answered, "You add water to acid and it makes an explosion. Or was it acid to water? Agh, I can't remember, I bombed all my science classes in high school. But I think you get the picture."

When she was done, Leviathan almost dropped as nobody was paying attention to her. Zero put on his headphones and Fefnir, well...

"Kitty!"

That says enough. Frustrated, Leviathan stormed off to her room.

Meanwhile...

"Um, guys, a little help here?"

Poor icecube Harpuia.

* * *

_I'll see what ideas I can cook up when I head for Texas this week. Hopefully I'll have something before then. Hope you enjoyed this chapter, and leave feedback this time! I need to play the first three games over and over and over and over to get some ideas or something._


End file.
